Thursday, March 14, 2013

Wanted: Decapitator

Are you pretty adept with a sword? How’s your downward swing? Are you squeamish? Can you speak Farsi?

If so, have I got a job for you. The Saudi monarchy is looking for a few good men who know how to brandish a sword and want a position as official decapitator of criminals. In Saudi Arabia, as you may know, they use the sword a lot for punishment.
Rob someone and they cut off your hand. Things like that.
But the most proper Islamic method is beheading for the serious crimes of murder, armed robbery, rape, trafficking in drugs … if it’s bad, say hasta la vista to your head, it’s been nice knowing you.
So what’s the problem? They’re running out of qualified swordsmen, which may force outlying provinces to resort to the second choice of execution – the firing squad. Official beheadsmen can’t always make the appointment time because they’re having to travel all through the regions, and that takes a lot of time.
So … want a steady job with lots of travel in a foreign land? Have I got a job for you!
I kid you not.

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