Memorial Day Tribute

Craig and Dad (c. 1946)

On this Memorial Day 2010, I wish to pay tribute to my father – Dr. Robert Mitsuo Miyamoto (1913-1970) – a veteran of World War II, and a captain in the U.S. Army Medical Corps.

Dad worked as a field hospital surgeon in the European theater of operations.

As we remember those who gave their lives or were wounded in the wars, let’s also take time to remember those servicemen who repaired, revived, and otherwise tended to those who were injured on the front lines.

It’s a good day to reflect on Dad’s life as an Army doctor, and one of Hilo, Hawaii’s favorite general practitioners and surgeons.

Canine Game Day 2010

That was kinda fun yesterday. I went to the Hawaiian Humane Society’s annual Canine Game Day in Thomas Square and joined hundreds of dog fanciers who brought their pets to the park for some fun.

It was a day promoted in the media especially for dachshunds, so there were lots of those wiener dogs squirming their long bodies around the place.

I got there just in time to watch the costume contest. That was fun.

Here are some of the entrants. Can you guess which one won?

After the costume competition, I meandered over to the Wiener Dog Races and watch the yapping mobile hot dogs race toward their owners and give their all to win valuable pet-related prizes. The TV cameras were there to pay homage to the grand winner and his owner.

One thing though – the doggie population made it imperative for me to watch where I was stepping and also to be wary of people bending over with Zip-Lok bags in their hands so I wouldn’t stumble over them while they were in the process of … y’know, cleaning up after their dogs.

Did you guess which doggie was named the costume contest winner? It’s the doggie in the upper right-hand corner dressed as a Hawaiian king.

What a great way to kick off the Memorial Day weekend.

Now What?

This past year, I watched a number of television series faithfully, DVR-ing them so I wouldn’t miss an episode.

The result? Half of them are gone, perhaps never to be seen again.

· Lost – Series ended.

· Heroes – Cancelled.

· Flash Forward – Cancelled.

· V – Season ended, back next year.

· Saving Grace – Final season just started.

· Fringe – Season ended, back next year.

I am sorry to see Lost end, but happy at the way it turned out. I still get a lump in my throat whenever I think about – or discuss – the final episode.

I am sorry to see Heroes and Flash Forward cancelled, but they both were headed in directions I didn’t particularly care for, especially Flash Forward.

Heroes was pretty much resolved and the final episode was adequate. Flash Forward, on the other hand, had one of the worst series finales I’ve ever seen in my life – a consequence of late-season cancellation and an inability to tie up loose ends satisfactorily.

As far as V is concerned, I am not all that excited about its returning. I do enjoy it, but if the characters don’t improve, I won’t be back for a third season. I have a feeling it’s going to be cancelled anyway.

I am sad that Saving Grace is ending after this season. This wonderful character-driven series on TNT that centers on Holly Hunter’s Grace Hanadarko is funny, compelling, and ever-surprising with no taboos left unturned.

I am ecstatic that Fringe is returning with its characters that I’ve come to love. Plus, the stories are pretty compelling as the series matures and moves in and out of the alternate universe.

Now that there’s only Saving Grace to watch on a regular basis for the next couple of months, it looks as though I’ll be hitting the Travel Channel, Food Network, the Science Channel, the History Channel and Turner Classic Movies more often in the evenings.

Eat Eggs, Lose Weight

I bet you didn’t know that eating two eggs in the morning can speed up weight loss.

It’s a fact. And it’s been proven in a study of overweight people who ate either two eggs, or a single bagel – a 340-calorie breakfast – five days for eight weeks.

Do you know that the egg-eaters reported higher energy levels? And do you know that group lost 65% more weight than the bagel-biters?

‘Tis true. They reported it in the International Journal of Obesity. Gosh, there’s have a journal for EVERYTHING, isn’t there?

“Yeah, but what about cholesterol?” you are asking incredulously. Well, my friend, the egg-eaters showed NO effect on either their cholesterol or triglyceride levels.

What makes the two-egg diet work? The British Journal of Nutrition has concluded that eating high-quality proteins (like eggs) early in the day results in a longer feeling of fullness than if it were eaten in the later hours.

And that’s eggzactly why I have eggs for breakfast every morning.

An Expensive Dress

Whilst cooling my heels in a doctor’s office the other day, I picked up a copy of Self magazine – the December 2009 issue, which isn’t exactly current, but as we all know, waiting room magazines seldom are.

In fact, I’ve read magazine in doctors’ offices that are three, even four years old.

But I digress.

What I really wanted to mention is that dress being worn by actress Amanda Peet looks as though she had lain down on a slanted rug and slid down until her dress was pushed up all around her.

That’s not to say that she doesn’t look good in it, because she does. I’m just saying the dress looks rumpled.

The thing is, the designer (Ruching?) charged a whole lotta bucks to sell that look – $2,950 to be exact.

Lemme see … that comes out to about $75 a rumple-pleat.

Good Housekeeping Has My ‘Seal of Approval’

I had to take someone to Kuakini Hospital for a scheduled nuclear imaging appointment at 5:30 in the morning – which meant that I had to wake up at four-freaking-fifteen to get ready and shake the pre-dawn cobwebs out of my head so I could drive alertly.

They said the tests would take at least two hours, which meant that I should have brought my James Patterson novel – Alex Cross’ Trial – with me to read. But I didn’t, so I had to sift through the meager selection of old magazines to read and occupy my time.

There was a November 2009 Sports Illustrated that took me a half-hour to go through, but that meant I still had at least an hour and a half to kill.

The remaining periodicals were all health-related, or baby-related, and I really wasn’t interested in those.

Then I saw it … the August 2009 issue of Good Housekeeping.

I used to read Good Housekeeping all the time when I was a kid growing up in Hilo. My mom subscribed to it so I always had something to read. Plus, she’d consign it to my father’s office(a typical doctor’s waiting room) when we were both done, and I’d have a chance to read it again when I was there waiting to a ride home after school.

To make a long story short, Good Housekeeping has changed a lot in the last 50+ years. Some of the articles and tips sounded familiar, but as a whole, I found the magazine a boring read.

What made it interesting were the pictures – good Lord, there were lots of pictures of beautiful women. This particular issue had a story about Jada Pinkett Smith (cover picture included Meredith Vierra and Trisha Yearwood). A lot of the stories and ads pictured beautiful women.

Now THAT’S my idea of what it takes to ensure a good housekeeping.

Good Housekeeping has MY seal of approval.

Raspberries for Your Hair

You say your hair is thinning? You say you have to wear a hat outdoors so your head doesn’t sunburn? You say your friends and family are questioning your manhood because you’re going bald?

Well, have I got a sweet suggestion for you!

You might want to go to your neighborhood store and buy yourself a jar of raspberry jam. Then, lock yourself in the bathroom and smear the jam all over your head.

The Japanese have done it again. In the scientific journal, Growth Hormone and IGF Research, the researchers discovered that raspberry ketone (RK), an aromatic compound found in raspberries, is a natural cure for baldness.

They reported that the men in the study applied RK to their scalps for five months; half of them grew hair. HALF!

I kid you not.

(By the way, you can skip sending me pictures of treatment underway, thank you.)

'Lost' is Lost … Almost

Like millions of TV viewers around the world last night, I watched the series finale event of my favorite television series that ended after a six year run – Lost. I was just a little surprised at my reaction to the closing events.

I admit I’ve felt nostalgic and emotional watching series finales before – Hill Street Blues … L.A. Law … Third Watch … ER.

But never the way I felt last night. Each moment of “remembrance” brought tears to my eyes and I could feel the corners of my mouth turning down as if to presage a misty rainfall of tears. My vision blurred and I felt elation inside as my breath deepened.

Then, when Jack Shephard’s father, Christian, opened the doors of the church and the bright light flooded in, that’s when I lost it completely and tears of happiness, nostalgia and reverence flooded down my cheeks.

So … it’s kind of what I expected. The final moments represented Jack’s ascent to … Heaven? Nirvana? As Christian Shephard called it, “moving forward.”

I interpret the final 15 minutes as Jack’s process. We learn how he died – replacing the stone to reincarnate the extinguished golden light. But we don’t really know when he died. The assumption would be that he died when his eye closed after seeing the airplane fly overhead, ostensibly returning Sawyer, Kate and Claire (original crash characters) join Lipidus, Alpert and Miles to civilization.

I believe all of the characters had died by the time Jack entered the church – all who were there to join him and to send him on his final journey. I believe all of the “flash sideways” scenes were symbolic of the lives the survivors had lived, and that their “remembrance” scenes represented their deaths and reunions in that other place. Forget chronological time; it has ceased to exist.

I believe those who were not present at the church – Michael and his son Walt, Daniel, Lipidus, etc. – either were still alive at the time of Jack’s moving forward, or were not of consequence in Jack’s life.

I believe all that transpired up to the point where the nuclear device exploded actually happened to the Lost contingent, and that the splitting-up of their existence (the flash sideways) represented their journey to the other world. I believe that the episodes of their remaining behind were a test of Jack’s humanity.

Finally, I believe that the one-hour Jimmy Kimmel special show that followed was nearly a complete waste of time for me. I had expected to see three serious alternative endings, but instead was treated to caricatures of three famous series endings – Survivor, The Sopranos, and Newhart. But I did laugh a little, so maybe it wasn’t all that bad.

Live on in our hearts, Lost … live on.

National Lucky Penny Day

It’s today. It’s always May 23. It’s a day when we’re supposed to reflect on how lucky we are to have (or to find) pennies.

There’s even a website devoted to National Lucky Penny Day – http://www.gone-ta-pott.com/national_lucky_penny_day.html – where you can read all about pennies, and what you can do to observe this special day.

I have an idea. Why don’t all of you head outdoors and scour the ground looking for pennies. After all, see a penny and pick it up, and all day you’ll have good luck!

Or, do it in reverse. Go to a park or someplace else where there’s a lot of foot traffic, and plant pennies on the ground. Make sure you place them “heads up,” because that’s supposed to be luckier for the person who finds it.

I’d rather wait myself until “Lucky Quarter Day” rolls around.

10,000 and Counting

Can you imagine a natural event that goes on for 10,000 days and is still happening? Do you know how long 10,000 days is? It’s 27 years, plus a little more than four and a half months.

That’s how long Kilauea Volcano on the Big Island has been erupting nonstop – since January 3, 1983.

The volcano’s east rift zone cracked open on that day; they call it the Pu’u ‘O’o (“Hill of the Digging Stick” vent. A summit vent also opened up two years ago, on March 19, 2008.

If you’ve never seen an eruption close-up, you’re missing one of the most spectacular sights you will ever see in your life.

I’ve seen many eruptions, including the historic 1959 Kilauea Iki and 1960 Kapoho fountains when I was a kid in Hilo. Halemaumau Crater eruptions are also spectacular. I’ve been to a couple of those. You can drive right up to the rim of the deep caldera and look down at a huge many-square-mile pool of molten rock sloshing around like water.

The heat is tremendous! During the Kapoho eruption, I remember standing miles away and feeling as though I were right in front of a roaring fireplace. My face felt like I had a bad case of sunburn. And the sound! The sound was a deafening roar that reached down deep and set my soul a-tremble.

All I can say about the 10,000-day record is … Rock On, Madam Pele!

Centipede on the Christmas Tree

… and all the lights went out. Remember that “knock knock” joke?

I was reminded it the other day when the wife came in to tell me about her little adventure.

It seems she stumbled upon a “monster” centipede scurrying around outside the garage. So she covered it with a plastic jug to hold it there while she ran inside the house for some poison.

The only bug poison she could find was termite spray, so that’s what she used.

The problem was that there was no oomph left in the spray, so she stood there shivering in fear, a disgusting look on her face, while she slowly dripped the insecticide on the centipede.

Then, and only then, did she run inside to tell me about the critter.

When I went out to see what she had done, the bugger was long dead and some ants were poking around. Just to be sure, I took a 2x4 and smashed the edge down just behind its head.

And here, in all its glory, is a picture of the “monstrous” five-inch long centipede that was defeated by the horrified, meek, little ol’ lady o’mine.

Later in the day, the wife came running back into the house, frantic because “there’s another one out there!”

It was the same one … comatose and dead as toast, just lying there. Guess the ants smelled the insecticide and steered clear of the free lunch I offered them.

“Beard Saga II” Sideburns

I couldn’t stand it any longer.

My moustache was really starting to tickle my nose, so instead of trimming it and snipping off the wayward upside down hairs that were seeking refuge up my nostrils, I cut off the whole thing.

No more “friendly mutton chops”! What I have now are sideburns – mere sideburns. I even trimmed them down a little so I don’t look like Elvis.

I guess what I’ve got can still be called “mutton chops,” but even these aren’t keeping me happy.

But at least the wife kisses me again.

Children’s Paintings

The MOA Museum of Art is sponsoring its annual Children’s Painting Exhibition at Kahala Mall this week, an event I discovered when I went to a movie at the shopping mall’s theaters yesterday.

Participants included children from schools in the district.

The Best of Show winner is Brittany Giangarra, a third-grader at Aina Haina School. Third grade … imagine that!

Best of Show: ‘The Crayfish’

See now … this is a good reason why you should wander around in malls once in a while.

The talents of young people – young KIDS – never fail to amaze me.

Congratulations, Brittany!

'A Colony of Heaven'

During a walk through the National Cemetery of the Pacific at Punchbowl Crater many months ago, I came across this dedication plaque.

I’m glad that I saw it early in my excursion, for it set the tone for my day.

I wonder who the 6^th Marine Division chaplain was who spoke these meaningful words on Okinawa in 1945. His sentiments echo through Punchbowl and drew me close.

Pet Imaging

Here’s a sign that gave me pause … saw it as I wandered the halls of Queen’s Hospital the other week.

“Pet Imaging.” Hmmm, I thought, is that where a person can bring a dog or cat and have its picture taken? Seemed rather silly to me. Why in the world would anybody bring their pet to a hospital to have it photographed?

And then my brain clicked into place. Ohhhhh! They meant “PET scanning” – Positron Emission Tomography – which is nuclear imaging. Like an X-ray, only using radioactive materials.

Somebody quick! Slap me upside the head!

What’s Your Most Prized Body Part Worth?

Is there a particular part of your body that you think is valuable? Have you ever thought of insuring it? And if so, how much would you insure it for?

Here’s a short list of body parts others have insured that you can use as a guide:

· Tom Jones’ chest hair – $7 million

· Dolly Parton’s breasts – $600,000

· “Riverdance” Michael Flatley’s feet – $39 million

· Winemaker Ilja Gort’s nose – $8 million

· Heidi Klum’s right leg – $1.2 million

· Heidi Klum’s left leg (it has a scar) – $1 million

Okay now … what part of you?

Congratulations, Nolan!

I just saw in this morning’s paper that Nolan Kamitaki, whose Hawaii Science Fair research project, “Gene Dosage and Expression in Human Lymphoblastoid Cell Lines” won second place in April’s Hawaii Science Fair, cleaned up big time at the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair in San Jose.

The Big Island senior was one of six Hawaii high school students to receive awards at the exposition. Twenty three from Hawaii participated.

Nolan won a first-place Grand Award that includes a $3,000 prize, Best of Category Award ($5,000) and the American Statistical Association Award ($1,000).

You had to have known … ‘cause in 2006, Nolan won $20,000, beating out two million students from across the United States, winning the Discovery Challen Young Scientist Challenge in Washington, DC.

Congratulations to Nolan! What a guy, WHAT a guy.

These Names Are … er, Outstanding!

You gotta hand it to those British of yore. They sure knew how to name their kids.

According to historical records (dates in parentheses), they actually named their children:

· Nicholas If-Jesus-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barebon (1640)

· Lurking Crabb (1780)

· Original Bottom (1846)

· Wack Broomhead (1848)

· Fatal Frederick Grucutt (1858)

· Lethal Margaret Stothert (1875)

· Tom Dick Harry (1890)

I kid you not!

(All I can say is, I’m glad my parents named me Craig because that’s what everybody calls me.)

Where Hawaii Ranks 1

I’ve collected a few lists that show where Hawaii ranks in various categories. Here’s some of what I’ve found:

Popular Dream Cruises (Touring Magazine)

1. The Caribbean

2. Alaska

3. South America

4. The Baltic Sea

5. Panama Canal

6. HAWAII

Where Americans Want to Live (Harris Interactive)

1. California

2. Florida

3. HAWAII

4. Texas

5. Colorado

Aid to Homeless Children (National Center on Family Homelessness)

1. Connecticut

2. New Hampshire

3. HAWAII

4. Rhode Island

5. North Dakota

Smartest State (Morgan Quitno)

1. Vermont

2. Massachusetts

3. Connecticut

4. New Jersey

5. Maine

42. HAWAII

Business Tax Climate (The Tax Foundation)

1. South Dakota

2. Wyoming

3. Alaska

4. Nevada

5. Florida

24. HAWAII

Highest Bread Prices (Economist Intelligence Unit)

1. Caracas

2. HONOLULU

3. Austria

4. Japan

5. United States

Most Satisfied with Standard of Living (Gallup 2009)

1. North Dakota (82.3%)

2. South Dakota (80.8)

3. Alaska (80.4)

4. Minnesota (79.4)

5. Iowa (79.0)

9. HAWAII (77.4)

Quality of Life (Gallup 2009)

1. HAWAII (70.2%)

2. Utah (68.3)

3. Montana (68.3)

4. Minnesota (67.8)

5. Iowa (67.6)

Happiest American Cities (Gallup-Healthways 2009)

1. Boulder, CO

2. Holland-Grand Haven, MI

3. HONOLULU, HI

4. Provo-Orem, UT

5. Santa Rosa-Petaluma, CA

How 'bout that.

Wet Laptop Rescue

You say your kitty knocked over your iced tea onto your laptop? You say you dropped it in a puddle? You say the tide came in when you were distracted for a moment?

Well, it can happen to the best of us.

The question is, how do you clean your laptop now?

Here’s how, in five easy steps:

1. Turn it off. The first thing you need to do is shut down the electronics in the thing. So turn it off.

2. Take out your battery. You’ve got to keep it somewhere warm and dry, so maybe a bag of rice might work.

3. Leave the laptop open and let it dry out. Or, you might use a hairdryer if it’ll make you feel better

4. Wait three to five days, put the battery back in, turn your laptop on while saying a little prayer.

5. If it’s still not working, check your warranty and insurance policies – you’re going to need them at this point.

Hope this works for you if you ever get your laptop wet.

Pigeon Poop Head

I seem to be on a roll lately, posting stuff about poop. But if I may beg your indulgence, here’s one more and I promise I won’t do any poop posts for a long time to come.

I feel sorry for the poor lady sculpture posed on the lawn of the Neal Blaisdell Concert Hall.

Pigeons have no respect for a young woman sitting on a bench who is simply enjoying herself watching the traffic go by. They just land on her head and poop away. Whitewash. Doo doo. Avian drops.

This reminds me of the poem recited by Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr (Steve Martin) in the movie, “The Man With Two Brains”:

Pointy bird, oh pointy pointy,

Anoint my head, anointy nointy.

You can see the poop … er, poor … lass as you drive near the intersection of Ward Avenue and King Street just Diamond Head (east) of downtown Honolulu.

The poor thing. Would somebody please wash the pigeon poop off her head?

“Beard Saga II” Re-Trimmed

The beard, technically speaking, isn’t a beard any more.

In a major beard-status move, I shaved away the hair on my chinny chin chin and fashioned myself some old-fashioned mutton chops.

Not just any ol’ regular mutton chops, mind you, but “Friendly” mutton chops – so called because the mutton-chop sideburns are connected by a “friendly” moustache.

Y’know … the kind that remind you of officers in the Civil War and the Wild West.

Here, take a gander:

The Beard: Drastically Altered

Are You Happily Married?

Are you and your spouse happy with each other? If you live in China, chances are a lot more of you are happier together than those of us who live in the USA.

Apparently, most Chinese have never heard of the “seven-year itch.” Research shows that 83% of married couples in China are happy with each other.

They are followed by the Philippines (76%), Germany and the Netherlands (73% each), Australia and Spain (72%), and Russia (71).

Where’s the U.S.? Be patient, we’re getting there.

Then comes the United Kingdom (66%), Brazil (65%), Canada and Italy (63%), and then finally, the U.S. (also 63%, but last of the three 63%-ers when sorting alphabetically). We’re just a percentage point higher than France and India.

Imagine that.

Presidential Material

Why, you may ask, are there pictures of a white-haired, mustachioed gentleman and my father in this blog post?

When I was searching for the Queen’s Hospital Imaging Center recently, I happened once again upon the Historical Room. This time, my eyes gravitated to a painting of Dr. John S. McGrew, the first president of the Hawaii Medical Association.

That reminded me that my father – Dr. Robert Mitsuo Miyamoto of Hilo – was also an HMA president sometime in the late ‘60s.

Seeing Dr. McGrew’s image took me back to the days when Dad and I used to sit outside the house under the plumeria trees and wait for the red Kentucky cardinals to visit.

Dr. McGrew, meet Dr. Miyamoto.

Dad, meet your historic predecessor.

“Beard Saga II” Having Some Fun

One morning, while brushing my beard, I wondered how it would look if I brushed it the wrong way – up instead of down.

The result? It’s quite humorous.

When I “mis-brush,” it looks as though I have a scraggly ol’ beard and work in a lumberjack camp.

I don’t like it – it actually feels strange too, like somebody smeared paste all over my beard and matted it down. I found myself opening my mouth and stretching my lips and cheeks to rid myself of the feeling.

Still, I thought you might like to see what it looks like:

The Beard: The Scraggly Look

Don’t Toss the Hot Sauce!

You can use it in all kinds of foods, so don’t throw away that partially empty bottle of hot sauce you found in the back of the pantry.

The most original suggestion I’ve read is to use the hot sauce on birdseed you put out for the little flying chirpers.

Apparently, it’s been proven that the hot sauce keeps the squirrels away from the food you meant to be consumed by the beautiful birds that visit your garden.

But y’know … I wonder if birdie whitewash will turn into birdie redwash and leave scorch marks on your grass or your car (or the top of your head).

Methinks I’m thinking too much.

Hints for Safe GPS-ing

If you’ve got one of them new-fangled cars that sport a Global Positioning System (GPS) and you’ve programmed it to find the quickest and easiest routes to and from your home, you might want to rethink what you did.

Never, ever program your house address into your GPS.

See, if your car is ever stolen, all the thief has to do is hit the “Go Home” feature and the GPS will tell him exactly how to get there. And don’t forget that if you were out driving, you’re not home. And the thief knows that.

Once he’s there, all he has to do is use the garage door opener you graciously left in your car to open the garage door, drive in, close the door, and wander around in your house undisturbed, doing what he wants to do.

What you can do to prevent this is to program in a store or gas station that’s nearby. That’ll foil the culprit.

Oh, and while I’m at it, let me advise you not to list the words “Hubby” or “Wife” in your cell phone list of contacts.

If someone steals your cell, all they have to do is text your spouse and maybe ask for a personal identification number (PIN). Your spouse likely will automatically text the PIN back to “you” and the bad guy can clear out your account without either of you knowing it.

Use your spouse’s name instead.

Call Your Mom! TODAY!

Have you called your mother lately? After all, it’s less than a week to Mother’s Day.

If you haven’t, you’ve got a lot of company in the U.S. According to the graphic above, the United States is right in the middle of a 10-country list of worldwide citizens surveyed to see how often they call their mothers.

France is down there at the bottom with 47%. India is up there at the top with 93%.

Us? We’re at 60%, behind Brazil (63%) but ahead of Canada (55%).

The red phone line represents those who called the day the survey was taken; the blue phone line is those who called sometime during the previous seven days.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’d better call my mom.

May Day Orchid Show

May Day, as everyone who lives in Hawaii knows, is Lei Day in the Islands. And what better way to observe the beauty of Hawaii than to attend an orchid show just up the street from where we live.

The Orchid Society of Manoa opened its annual two-day Orchid Show and Sale at Nohelani Elementary School yesterday, so the wife and I spent an hour or so wandering among the displays, watching lei making, and talking to the vendors who had orchid plants for sale.

The show continues today, then closes up shop until next year.

I always take my camera along with me on these little excursions; here are a few that I’d like to share with you:

Orchid Society Members Weaving Leis

OSM Blc Toshie Aoki 52701

OSM Paph Hsinging Lady Duck

One of Four Club Displays

I've already got next year's show in my tickle file for 2011.

Panda Poop is Precious

Did you know that you can reduce kitchen waste by more than 90% by using an enzyme-producing bacteria that is found in … panda poop? Yep, panda doo doo.

A team from the Kitasato University Graduate School of Medical Scientists discovered this phenomenon, which may have far-reaching consequences, re reducing garbage and waste.

Hmmm … but what I’d like to know is, who had the epiphany? Like the first person to eat an oyster, or the first to discover that you can eat a poisonous fish safely if you carefully remove certain parts … who thought of this?

What kind of human being figures these things out? Smart ones, obviously. Me, I’d rather let someone else do the discovery.

Panda poop, indeed!

I kid you not.