Almost a National SHAM-pionship

I wasn't sure I was going to watch the Alabama-Louisiana State football game yesterday, despite it being the BCS "National Championship" game. After all, hadn't these two teams played an absolutely boring no-touchdown game earlier in the season?

Call me a fool, but I decided to watch. Surely, they'd have figured out how to overcome each other's tough defenses, right? Surely, there'll be a bunch of exciting, championship-caliber touchdowns scored, right?

Wrong.

The Crimson Tide charged up and down the field in the first half and could come away with only three field goals (one missed). No touchdowns, despite getting close a lot. LSU looked absolutely impotent and went into the locker room at halftime with nothing but a huge goose egg on their side of the scoreboard.

Second half? Practically more of the same. Alabama charging but stalling, then kicking a field goal. Missed one too. LSU danced around like a lame ballerina at the beach.

Finally, with 4:36 remaining in the game, Alabama scored the first touchdown between these two this season. Yep, they had to play a total of one hour, fifty-five minutes and 24 seconds before a touchdown was scored. And then, it was only poetic that Alabama missed the point after touchdown.

But that’s okay. The final score was 21-0, and if you only saw the score and didn't watch the game, you'd think Alabama scored three TDs to win. At least the game got a little exciting at the end, and the score looked good.

The LSU Tigers played like they were constipated. No fire. No oomph.

I wonder if LSU coach Les Miles forgot to give his boys their Viagra before the game, they were so impotent. They couldn't even get past the 50-yard line into Alabama territory.

Maybe they needed to have their juju blessed by Priestess Miriam at her Voodoo Spiritual Temple in New Orleans’ French Quarter.

This was a "National Championship" game? With all due respect to my friends who were yelling “Roll Tide!” all night, it sure didn’t look like it. Anyway, thanks to the touchdown, it avoided becoming a National SHAM-pionship game.