My Most Memorable New Year’s Eve

Over the years, I’ve spent New Year’s Eve in many ways, in whatever city I lived it (‘cause Mom always said it was a good tradition to spend New Year’s Eve in the house you live in).

I’ve frozen my feet and butt off on Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena staking out a viewing location on the street for the Rose Parade the next morning. And, sloshed through a flooded public restroom to use the urinal (something quite tragic and funny about THAT one).

I’ve watched fireworks on the Las Vegas strip, both out in the freezing night amidst a drunken mob of partying cretins, and from the warmth of a hotel room where I could watch it on live local Las Vegas television.

I’ve played fireworks from our front porch in Hilo, lighting the firecracker packets for Dad so he could toss them out into the front yard and make mini-craters for the kids to use as toy soldier foxholes the next day.

I’ve also lit a couple of 10,000-firecracker strings with the “bomb” at the top in our driveway, then used a power leaf broom to pick up two or three huge cartons of red paper when our $100 fireworks investment had exploded in an atomic-bomb cloud of smoke and ashes.

I’ve rolled hundreds of maki sushi in one day … totaling thousands over the course of the 30+ years that passed since I returned to Hawaii (but that’s a whole ‘nother story in itself).

I’ve had champagne, cold duck sparkling wine, beer, mochi, hot ozoni soup, huge prime ribs, lots of noodles, tons of sushi, and every imaginable sort of food put before me on the table.

But all of those pale in the memory of New Year’s Eve 1999, when Honolulu welcomed in the year 2000. It was the year of Y-2K, the year that all of the world’s computers were going to crash due to a software design flaw. It was the year everybody panicked and some even fled to the hills.

One of my clients was the Hawaii Health Systems Corporation, which manages hospitals on Oahu, Hawaii, Maui and Kauai. They had a Y-2K prevention plan, and as their public relations consultant, I was present at their computer headquarters at Leahi Hospital.

At a couple of minutes before midnight, they pressed a button and turned off all of the system’s computers. We then repaired to the roof of the hospital, emerging into what could easily pass as the Apocalypse … the battle of the century … the middle of a war zone. The Vietnam Tet Offensive would have paled in comparison. The "Shock and Awe" bombing of Baghdad would have paled in comparison.

It looked like every aerial rocket, every firecracker, every sparkler, every fire fountain, every ounce of gunpowder in the world was being lit at that moment. East, west, north, south and all points in between – no matter what direction you turned, as far as you could see, it looked like the island was on fire.

The spectacle took my breath away! Not only the sight, but the noxious pall of smoke that rose up steadily from ground level all the way up 50 feet onto the roof where we stood, our legs trembling at the experience. At about 12:10, it started to abate, and we decided to get back into the air-conditioned building so we could breathe again.

The IT guy turned the computers back on, everything worked, and we entered the new millennium (a year early).

And THAT was my most memorable New Year’s Eve.

Affordable Death and Appurtenances?

On my way home from my mom’s house on Monday, a large business sign caught my eye and diverted my attention from my driving.

“Affordable Casket & Mortuary” was visible from the freeway. Apparently others have noticed it too because there have been complaints that Affordable Casket & Moanalua Mortuary is not being respectful of the dead.

Wait a minute. You mean to say that a business that advertises its name is guilty of being disrespectful?

I did a little more research and found that what people had complained about were their full-page newspaper ad and a brightly lit window display (since removed) that showed a mannequin sitting at a desk with a row of caskets behind him.

The owner says the response has been more positive than negative.

Personally, I don’t agree with the complainants. But … ask me if I care. Go ahead, ask me.

Blackout Friday Night

The Friday after Thanksgiving may be the traditional “Black Friday,” but this past Friday was a literal “black-out” day. Actually, it was a black-out night.

The lights went out in Honolulu and the whole island of Oahu around 6:30 p.m. and stayed off all through the night. They’re still not sure what caused the outage (are they ever?), but they suspect an electrical storm on the Leeward coast.

We’ve been through this before, so we turned on the wind-up radio and learned that the entire island was dark. Fortunately, I’d just gotten out of the shower so I didn’t have to conserve hot water like the rest of the family. We broke out the flashlights and battery lamps and I repaired to the bedroom where I cracked open a book for the first time in a long time (usually I just read on airplanes).

Reaffirmations: It’s difficult to do crossword puzzles with a wind-up flashlight, and reading in the rather dim and flickering spotlight the flashlight produces is hard on the eyes.

Around 10 p.m., I just gave up, turned off the flashlight and went to sleep. It’s amazing how much I missed my TV and DVD player.

Christmas Eve Sushi

I used to enjoy the Christmas season when I was a kid, when I was in college, when I lived in Los Angeles, and even when I first moved back to Hawaii.


But then, my wife’s family’s business intruded. They run a Japanese okazuya (delicatessen) and spent both Christmas and New Year’s Eves catering sushi for sale.


My efforts to instill the Christmas spirit were consistently dashed by tired people coming home and just plopping down in chairs, exhausted from hours of back-breaking work. So, eventually, I gave up the decorating and playing of Christmas songs. In time, they had me there with them, rolling maki sushi. That's when I learned how to grumble and become a grumpy man.


And ever since, I do not enjoy the Christmas season, no matter how much I try. This past day before Christmas, I hauled my buns over to the deli once again to help them roll sushi. In recent years, I limit myself to rolling about a fourth of whatever is ordered – this year I rolled 65 rolls of maki sushi.


At least they don’t work on New Year’s Eve any more. That was the back-breaker. But that’s another story. Maybe I’ll tell you about it next week.

No More Hawaii Winter Baseball

Major League Baseball has decided consolidate its fall and winter minor league off-season developmental leagues and locate them in Arizona.

For Hawaii, this means the Hawaii Winter Baseball league will shut down, as its three-year contract with MLB will not be renewed. The decision was made at the baseball winter meetings in Las Vegas.

This is the second time HWB has shut down. It operated from 1993 through 1997, then went on hiatus until 2006 when it kick-started once again. Twenty-three major league clubs participated, along with half (6) of Japan’s Nippon Professional Baseball, and Lotte of the Korea Baseball Organization.

I enjoyed going to the Sunday game at the University of Hawaii at Manoa stadium with my son, munching on roasted peanuts and washing it down with Diet Pepsi. I used to bring half of the bag home to share with my wife. We’re going to miss that, all of us.

I Won a Dollar Today

… from my wife.

We went out to breakfast and when we were done, she said she needed to drop by a vendor’s place in Waikiki to pick up some fresh fruit for the platter she was making for a holiday gathering we’re attending tonight.

And then, she needed to drop by a tenant’s apartment to give him some Japanese mochi.

I grumbled, of course, because after all, I am the husband and I’m lazy and I wanted to get home quickly so I could watch NFL football on TV. I told her that was going to take an hour to do.

Now, you need to understand that my wife has absolutely no concept of time and how long it takes to do things: “Nah, 15 minutes at the most.” I bet her a dollar that it would take at least an hour. She took me up on the bet.

It took 1 hour and 10 minutes. I’m a dollar richer.

How Very Stupid

The other day, as I was having breakfast at a local coffee shop, I heard a fellow in the next booth answer his cell phone: “555-9876, this is Joe Aldritch speaking.” (I changed his phone number and name to protect his privacy.)

I just shook my head. If I could hear him say that, others could as well, any time he answered his phone with that greeting.

How little effort it would take for an unscrupulous person within earshot to take down that information, do a reverse phone number look-up, find out Joe’s address, and cause all kinds of havoc with his identity.

Some people are so stupid, aren’t they?

A “PC” Christmas Wish

Peace on Earth, good will toward men! (Hmmmm, “men” seems kinda sexist and gender-specific.)

Peace on Earth, good will toward all mankind! (Yikes! Same problem.)

Peace on Earth, good will toward men and women! (Wait, “women” has the word “men” in it.)

Peace on Earth, good will toward humans! (Rats, “humans” also has the word “man” in it.)

Peace on Earth, good will toward all persons! (Oh my lord, “persons” has the word “son” in it.)

Peace on Earth, good will toward gentlemen and madams! (No good … “madam” has an “Adam” in it.)

Peace on Earth, good will toward all homo sapiens! (Yeah ... I think that’s it!)

Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward All Homo Sapiens!

Eau de Bergere

If you see me walking down the street, next time we meet … take a sniff! If you like the cologne I’m wearing, just ask me what it is. Chances are I’m wearing the new cologne, “Flame.”

The best part about it? It’s only $3.99 for a bottle that the manufacturer calls, "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

Yep, you read that right … flame-broiled meat. The newly announced scent is a product of Burger King. According to their promotions department, "Flame by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold ... now you can set the mood for whatever you're in the mood for."

Oh lawdie me! Now I’m in the mood for a Whopper!

Curling Up With the Spirit!

I saw on the local news this morning that the first-ever Santa Curling Championships were held over the weekend in the English county of Kent.

Most of the players came from United Kingdom (England, Scotland, the Channel Islands), but participants also came from Canada, Germany and the United States. They were bonded not only by the passion for the sport of curling, but also for their competition garb – Santa outfits!

I thought that was pretty cool.