Oops! Reset!

Having struck out twice with his “end of the world” date prediction, evangelist Harold Camping is trying again. Let’s see, that’s twice he’s had to hang his head in shame and eat crow.

Good grief, he said today, back-tracking from his last prediction. The world wasn’t going to experience the Rapture on May 21, it was supposed to say FIVE MONTHS from May 21. That would be … *counting on my fingers* … October 21.

(Hey, at least I get to celebrate my birthday first.)

The May 21 date was actually a spiritual judgment day, according to the heavily mocked 89-year-old so-called preacher. And you know what? He insists that Jesus did arrive on Earth on May 21.

The sad thing is, the true believers already spent their money buying billboards and taking care of their earthly needs. Will they do it again? I wonder how many people actually went through their bucket list and did as much as they could before the world took a nose dive. Well, at least THOSE people accomplished something.

As Mr. T used to say, “Pity the fool.” I wonder how crow tastes.

Ask me if I care. G'wan, ask me!

Oh, For Heaven’s Sake

Just when you thought you’d heard the last of “OctoMom,” and also thought that the Jon vs. Kate Gosselin debacle was on its last legs; just when you thought these two ridiculous phenomena were fading into a distant memory …

Nadya Suleman has let it be known that she has a crush on Jon Gosselin. In general, she thinks he’s hot; specifically she thinks he looks great in purple.

What does she have to say about Kate Gosselin? "I feel for her. I wish everyone would leave her alone," she said. "I'm sure she trusts herself and trusts that she's strong enough to handle it."

Good Lord! Why are we wasting our time on these people? Why am I even writing about this? Who cares anyway? Please stop! No more of this, please!

Surely, this is a sign that the Apocalypse is on its way.

In Case You Didn’t Know

Just in case you didn’t know what was happening in the world today, here are a couple of tidbits I picked up this morning watching the news:

1. Maria Chapur is in hiding.
2. Debbie Rowe will get nothing.
3. Melissa Rycroft is engaged.

If you don’t recognize these names, join the club.

I guess the world will get along fine without me finding out more, and telling you about them.

Re, these three women, ask me if I care. Go on, ask me.

Have You Heard … ?

I learned three things this morning, two of which I really don’t care about but which apparently are big deals, and one that I do care about. See if you can guess which is which.

Texting Champ Crowned

Fifteen-year-old Kate Moore of Des Moines, Iowa, won the 2009 U.S. National Texting Championships yesterday. She beat 14-year-old Morgan Dynda of Savannah, Georgia and won $50,000 by being first to text an error-free chorus of “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.”

More than a quarter-million people entered the competition.

The sponsor – LG – is contemplating a global competition next.

Out of the Closet

“America’s Idol” runner-up Adam Lambert stepped out of the closet and declared himself gay.

He made the “not-so-startling” revelation via an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, admitting also that he did have a crush on Kris Allen, the Idol runner-up who Adam called the “cute guy.” So much for Clay Aiken, huh?

Chicken to Fly the Coop?

The San Diego Chicken is seriously thinking of hanging up his feathers at the end of the current baseball season.

Ted Glannoulas, 55, has donned the chicken costume and entertained national-wide audiences for 35 years. The chicken became the epitome of – and inspiration for – team mascots in many sports, particularly baseball.

Alas, Glannoulas is feeling his age. He’s taken so many lumps and bruises that (as he puts it) “the eggs come out hard boiled now.”

His only regrets? He’s never played Yankee Stadium or Fenway Park.

Affordable Death and Appurtenances?

On my way home from my mom’s house on Monday, a large business sign caught my eye and diverted my attention from my driving.

“Affordable Casket & Mortuary” was visible from the freeway. Apparently others have noticed it too because there have been complaints that Affordable Casket & Moanalua Mortuary is not being respectful of the dead.

Wait a minute. You mean to say that a business that advertises its name is guilty of being disrespectful?

I did a little more research and found that what people had complained about were their full-page newspaper ad and a brightly lit window display (since removed) that showed a mannequin sitting at a desk with a row of caskets behind him.

The owner says the response has been more positive than negative.

Personally, I don’t agree with the complainants. But … ask me if I care. Go ahead, ask me.

Jennifer vs. Angelina

*Yawn* I woke up a little early this morning and turned on the TV. Showbiz Tonight was on CNN Headline News and they were talking about Jennifer Aniston being upset with Angelina Jolie for stealing Brad Pitt away from her.

Yadda yadda yadda. Just as I was about to change the channel and get away from all that nonsense, they flashed the results of a CNN telephone poll asking who viewers sided with – Aniston or Jolie.

Apparently, many people are upset at “the other woman,” because 70% (Team Aniston) favored Jennifer, with only 30% favoring Angelina (Team Jolie).

Wow. Who knew? Ask ME if I care. Go ahead, ask me.

Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken, an American Idol loser, has come out of the closet and professed his gayness (gaiety?). I meant to say something about this when it first made the news about a month ago and such a big deal was made of it.

What I wanted to say was … Who cares?

Ask ME if I care. Go ahead, ask me.