Thursday, June 9, 2016

Hilarious Actual Headlines

Since we recently talked about what’s in newspapers, here’s more hilarity gleaned from your local city newspapers.

I may have posted some of these before, but I’m too lazy to go back and check. They would warrant reposting anyway. Sorry, but I don’t have any source verification information.


Enjoy! And don’t laugh so hard you pee in your pants.

  • Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  • Miners Refuse to Work After Death
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
  • If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
  • Man Struck by Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas In Spacecraft
  • Kids Mae Nutritious Snacks
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  • Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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