Jabber Jabber Yadda Yadda

Jabber Jabber Doo

Dateline Honolulu: Nov. 22, 2016

If I thought being in the Economy Cabin with a lot of children on my flight from Honolulu to Oakland was annoying, my flight back home rivaled that in a different way.

A 50-something "I love to talk continuously" fellow sat in front of me in the First-Class cabin. He was in seat 1-H. (Bulkhead) and I was in 2-H, right behind him.

The acoustics of the seating, ceiling, overhead storage compartment and the timbre of his voice ensured that every word he said was over-amplified and clear as a bell. It started as the plane backed out of the gate.

It wasn't until two hours later, after completion of the brunch, that he reclined his seat and shut his eyes—for about five minutes, before the woman next to him asked him a question. It was very apparent that they knew each other; maybe they were going to Honolulu on company business. Anyway, that reignited his talking engines.

He talked about: 

• Business strategy, how to prepare for meetings, and other perhaps-confidential information that I could have recorded if I were in corporate espionage.
• Advice to his seat mate after she gets to hotel and checks in: "Go across the street and get your Ricola at ABC, it's the best."
• His arthroscopic gall bladder surgery—three small incisions and all that. His declaration: "My first organ to lose. Less I have to take with me when I die."
• His mom's strange habits at the dinner table and how it annoyed the family
• Being a self-declared social butterfly who likes the trite "meeting people" habit.
• Not liking being wrong when he was younger.
• And on and on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, yadda yadda yadda. 

I have no music, videos or movies downloaded on my iPad to watch and block out his voice. I usually stream them. I don't like to listen to the airline's music or watch their videos or movies either. Plus I can't find my noise-canceling earphones (where did the wife hide them anyway?) so I tried using the airline's padded earphones. Unfortunately, all that did was cancel out the ambient jet noise, making his voice much clearer.

Sometimes, Jabber-Jabber-Doo wins out.

Jabber Jabber Too!

Dateline Honolulu: Wednesday, Feb. 1, 2017

Do I have the words "Keep on talking, I love it" on my forehead? An irritating jabber-on experience happened again, while I was at the gate waiting for my flight from Honolulu to Las Vegas.

A dozen seats to my left sat a guy in I'd say his late 30s, who talked nonstop from the moment I sat myself down at 9:15 a.m. until a little after 11. 

The targets of his discourse were two elderly guys (one in a wheelchair) across the aisle, who were listening semi-intently, dozing off at times, nodding disinterestedly every now and then, and basically trapped.

He went on and on, smoothly transitioning from one unrelated topic to another. And his voice was hard to ignore—slightly hoarse, slightly voluminous, and blah blah blah.

I think the guy and his audience were friends. Thank goodness, he went to the toilet around 11 a.m., and when he returned, sat next to his friends so he could speak in a softer voice.

That's two flights in a row for me. Aren't I the lucky one?