One afternoon, the wife wasn’t in the mood to cook dinner, so she asked us what we wanted to get. My BIL said he wanted KFC spicy wings, so I decided to follow suit—more or less. I didn’t feel like the wings, and I was tiring a bit of their dinner box, so I went online to see what else was in the offing.
Many years ago, when the advertising agency I worked for did KFC’s public relations, I helped launch their chicken sandwiches. Hey, I thought, maybe I’ll have one of those.
Their website pictured different sandwiches than I was familiar with, but that’s to be expected. One of the sandwiches that caught my eye was the “Double-Double Sandwich.” So I set my mouth on that one. Either that, or Chicken Nuggets.
When the wife returned, she’d gotten me a 3-piece box. The KFC she went to (Beretania and McCully) didn’t offer the Double-Double or the nuggets.
Then, a week or so later, I wanted to get some stuff at the local Safeway. I wasn’t in the mood for a longer drive, so I went to the Manoa Safeway, about a mile from the house.
I needed a small cup (personal-serving size) of plain, unflavored yogurt. No such luck. Despite displaying a plethora of yogurt products, the only plain yogurt they offered came in 32-ounce tubs.
To make matters worse, I needed individual artificial sweeteners—a small box to tide me over until I could buy an inordinate supply at Costco. Nope. They had zero Splenda or anything decent, only the pink one that’s full of cyclamates.
To make matters even worse, I needed maple syrup. We’d run out and I had to use some of that Log Cabin colored corn syrup that was hiding in the back of the fridge. Log Cabin, Aunt Jemima and the rest of those “pancake sweeteners” have no maple syrup in them. Did you know that? Just caramel-coloring and corn syrup.
Well, you guessed it. No small refrigerator-door size bottles of maple syrup. Only those big plastic jugs that take up half the top shelf in the fridge. I bought one anyway, and transferred the contents into three small Tazo iced tea bottles that fit nicely in the refrigerator door.
Fails galore, right? Well I fooled them, da dirdy ratz.