Craig's Not Here, He's ...

Anticipated Return: Thursday, May 1

Questionable Book Titles/Subjects 3

Before you continue reading ... this is an advisory. These titles are sexual in nature and just may be offensive. They are certainly not for children to see, or for those of you who are puritanical at heart.

Now that I have your attention, here are five books whose titles and/or subjects should have been thought over a little more carefully. No?

Good lord, I almost posted this on a Sunday. More books are simmering on the back burner.

Don’t Breathe Swimming Pool Air

As if I don’t have enough to worry about these days, I learned about another one recently. 

Swimming pool gas. 

No, I don’t mean the bubbles kids create when they fart in the pool. As disgusting (or funny, depending on your point of view) as that is, it’s really not harmful. Unless you smell it and faint and drown, but that’s another story. 

I’m talking about peeing in the pool. China Agricultural University and Purdue University scholars studied the effect that uric acid has on the chlorine used to disinfect the water in swimming pools. 

As it turns out, they’re nasty partners. 

For one thing, they combine to form cyanogen chloride. This nasty gas can hard your central nervous system, your heart, and your lungs if you inhale it. 

For another thing, uric acid also is instrumental in the formation of poisonous nitrogen tricholramine gas, responsible for acute lung infection. And it builds up fast. In fact, the researchers studied a national swimming competition and found the trichloramine levels doubled after one day. 

Which begs the question … Do racing swimmers pee that much in the pool during competition? 

Additional info: This may gross you out, but more than half of the public pools tested in a study had bacterial evidence that somebody pooped (yep, I said pooped, not peed) in the pool. 

I kid you not!

Why Not ‘Civwon’t’ Instead?

The Honolulu Star-Advertiser has done it again. They’ve messed up a bold headline with an egregious error. In this morning’s paper.

Lookit -->

According to the Star-Advertiser’s headline writer, President Obama is a legacy of the “Civwil Rights Act.” Not the “Civil” Rights Act, mind you, the “Civwil” Rights Act.

Sounds like something Elmer Fudd would say, except I’m sure he’d call it the “Civwil Wights Act.”

Wonder what’s with the headwine witer anyway? Doesn’t he wead the headwines he wites before it’s pwinted?

But at least “Civwill” is better than “Civwon’t,” no?

Women Are From Venus ...

That's why they're so complicated and hard to figure out. Males have only one on-off switch; we either like something or we don't. Not women ... women have too many switches, dials and gauges that need tending to.

Prime example: Men (like me) go buying. Women go shopping. Big difference.

Coqui Frogs vs Little Fire Ants

First, it was the coqui (Eleutherodactylus coqui Thomas), those little frogs that found their way here from Puerto Rico about 35 years ago.

Those blasted toadies were blamed for wreaking havoc on Hawaii’s insect population, on which Hawaii’s own insects and spiders subsist.

It started on the Big Island, then spread to Oahu, and most recently, to Kauai. The State of Hawaii is attempting to control them with citric acid (y’know, vitamin C).

Although the State of Hawaii has categorized them as an “injurious species,” there’s actually a website in support of the coqui – KillerCulture.com – that advocates leaving the frogs alone. Did you know there was an International Save the Frog Day (April 29, 2011)? Well, try recruiting the Hawaii residents who are kept up all night with their incessant and loud “co-kwee” chirping during mating season.

So that’s one pest that’s back in the news lately. Why?

Because the news media needs to augment its stories about another invasive species, the Little Fire Ant (Wasmannia autopunctata). They’re called “little” for a reason – they are about half the size of a sesame seed (1.5 mm in length).

The second part of their name, “fire,” comes from the pain of their sting, with welts often lasting for weeks. As infesters of agricultural fields and farms, damage crops (chew chew) and they sting agricultural workers.

They are under control on Kauai, but not on the Big Island. And now, they have been found on Oahu, inadvertently spread by the shipment of nursery plants. The Hawaii Ant Lab (www.littlefireants.com) has a bunch of “how-to” guides that tell you all about these little buggers and how to deal with them.

Okay … so there are frogs and ants. Frogs eat insects. Ants are insects. Ants sting frogs.

I have an idea: Let’s get the Coqui and the Little Fire Ants to make war on each other. It would be interesting to see which will prevail. Will the frogs eat up all the ants? Or will the ants sting the frogs to hell and back? The numbers of whichever emerges the winner will be decimated and easier for us to control.

The enemy of our enemy is our friend.

A second thought: Maybe they already are at war. Maybe that’s why the frogs have lumpy skin from their encounters … o O ( Okay, that’s enough. Stop it, Craig.)

Rewiring Complete

The scheduled rewiring at the house is complete. Actually, it was completed a while back, but I forgot to tell you about it. Hawaiian Electric Company came by to make the connection, then our electrical contractor finished up inside the house.

It was a bit hectic that day, as the power was off for about three hours. The only casualty was a movie that I had scheduled to be recorded on my DVR. But no big deal, it was on Turner Classic Movies so it's sure to be repeated eventually (1965's Young Cassidy, starring Rod Taylor and Julie Christie).

Our wiring is now solar PV capable. But that's another story for another time.

Real Definitions

I get funny email. Here's a list of "real definitions" sent to me by a good friend. I don't know who thinks these things up, but they're major punsters and I applaud them for their fine efforts.

But enough talk from me. You may have seen some or all of these before, but let's get on with it:

• Adult:  Someone who's stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
• Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.
• Chicken: The only animal you eat before it's born and after it's dead.
• Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
• Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
• Handkerchief: Cold storage.
• Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
• Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.
• Raisin: A grape with sunburn.
• Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
• Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
• Toothache:  The pain that drives you to extraction.
• Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
• Wrinkles: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
• Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

See what I mean? And you thought I was out in left field.

Phone Pix 21: Las Vegas Strip Casino Displays

Whenever I'm in Vegas, I stop by the Bellagio and Palazzo Resorts to take in their seasonal displays. They're truly beautiful and enchanting, and I can never get enough of them. So I take a lot of pictures, including some on my smart phone cam.

Here are a few of them:

Porte Cochere Guardian Lion, Bellagio Resort, Sept. 2, 2013

Bird Enclosure, Bellagio Resort Summer 2012 Conservatory Display
Sept. 2, 2013

Bridge, Bellagio Resort Summer 2012 Conservatory Display
Sept. 2, 2013

Carnavale Fountain, Palazzo Resort Atrium, Sept. 2, 2013

Flower Pots, Palazzo Resort Atrium, Sept. 2, 2013

Grape Vines, Palazzo Resort Atrium, Sept. 2, 2013

Roots and Vines, Palazzo Resort Atrium, Sept. 2, 2013

Waterfall, Palazzo Resort Atrium, Sept. 2, 2013