Oceanography 102

Okay, I passed my online Oceanography 101 course, thanks to all those brilliant 6- to 8-year-old kids who gave me all that information I posted earlier. Now for the harder stuff – Oceanography 102. Guess I’m going to have to rely on more of those kids’ email info:

• “Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.” (Christopher, age 7)
• “When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.” (Kevin, age 6)
• “Divers have to be safe when they go underwater. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.” (Becky, age 8)
• “On vacation, my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.” (July, age 7)
• “The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown, I don’t know.” (Bobby, age 6)
• “My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.” (James, age 7)
• “I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think of what to write.” (Amy, age 6)

I know exactly what you mean, Amy. I get writer’s block all the time.

Okay, that’s enough ocean stuff. I think I’m now smarter than the average bear … I’m a Yogi Baby!

The Barber’s Pole

I was watching a Science Channel program one night – Oddities San Francisco – and learned something.

Barbers used to do bloodletting. I knew that. Barber poles identified a barbershop. I knew that. But I didn’t know what the colors of the barber pole stood for.

According to Audra Kunkle, owner of "Loved to Death," the store featured in Oddities San Francisco on Saturday nights, the swirling red banner stripes represent blood, and the white stripes represent a tourniquet or bandage.

What she didn’t address was the swirling banner of blue on some barber poles. And that required a little bit of research on my part. In the U.S., the color blue is also used, as an homage to nationality. It’s also been said that the blue represents venous blood, differentiating it from red arterial blood.

And, I was somewhat amused to learn that in some parts of Asia, the red, white and blue barber pole is used to identify brothels.

“Shave and a haircut, six bits. Anything else is $25 an hour.”

Smart Phone Pictures

If you're like me, and if you own a smart phone that has a camera function, you probably take pictures with it. And then, when you have too many, you either transfer them to your computer or laptop, or you delete them.

Most of the time, I only use my phone camera when I don't have my Sony digital camera available. I usually bring my Sony along with me wherever I go (when I remember) to a new restaurant, or a new adventure, or just in case I see something comment-worthy that I can post on this blog.

But when the Sony is left at home, out comes the phone camera. I take more pix than I need, and can't always use all that I take. So I delete them.

Well, sometimes the pictures are too good to throw away, so I download them to a "Wandering Blog" folder on my computer for possible future use.

Well, I've decided to use my superfluous phone pictures here anyway, off and on, just to share. Here's the first batch:

Red Bench, Bellagio Conservatory floral display, Feb. 3, 1012

Olive Bar, Whole Foods Market, June 4, 2012

Cattle Egret, Kenny's Restaurant, July 3, 2012

Same Cattle Egret, Kenny's Restaurant, July 3, 2012

More at a later date.

Where Hawaii Ranks 22

CNBC has issued its ranking of the 50 states in various business categories. Hawaii ranks dismally in several categories, making the top five lowest in several categories. This is not new information.

Hawaii has always been known as a business and tax hell.

Hey, but at least our quality of life is high. Guess paradise does have its perks.

Worst for Business

1. HAWAII
2. Rhode Island
3. West Virginia
4. California
5. Nevada

Worst Infrastructure

1. HAWAII
2. Connecticut
3. Vermont
4. Rhode Island
5. Maryland

Highest Cost of Doing Business

• California
• New York
• HAWAII
• Massachusetts
• Washington

Highest Cost of Living

1. HAWAII
2. Alaska
3. Connecticut
4. New York
5. New Jersey

Best Quality of Life

1. HAWAII
2. Vermont
3. Minnesota
4. Nebraska
5. (Tie) North Dakota and Maine

Creations By You

After one of our doctors' appointments, the wife asked me if we could go to this little craft store just down the street from his office. Being the nice guy that I am, I say okay.

Now ... I'm not a real crafty sort of guy, but I didn't want to hang around in the car waiting in the hot sun for the wife to spend a long time jabbering with the store people inside the air-conditioned shop, so I parked the car and went inside.

First of all, no frigid air conditioning. But they did have a couple of fans blowing the cool air around so that was nice.

I just happened to have my Sony digital camera with me, so I snapped pictures ... pictures that I can share with you, just so you can see all the stuff they have available for crafty souls unlike me:

Creations By You, 1801 Liliha St  Honolulu, HI 96817. Phone (808) 536-5255.

Bad Jobs: Assemblage

I got an email the other day that was chock full of humorous pictures. The email was titled, "I Only Gave You One Job to Do ..." After changing my underwear from laughing so much, I thought you might enjoy them. So they'll be posted in a few batches; no description necessary, the pictures are self-explanatory. Here's the first group:

 

 

 

 

 

What You Remember Depends On ...

While browsing through some Peter, Paul and Mary songs on YouTube the other day, a user comment caught my eye.
 

The song was "Leaving on a Jet Plane," the classic folk-style song written by John Denver in 1966 during my college years. At the time, Denver's titled it "Babe, I Hate to Go," the closing line of the lyrics. He put it on vinyl with 15 other songs and gave the 250 pressings to friends and family.

Peter, Paul and Mary changed the title and included it the following year (1967) in their album, Album 1700. The song became a big hit two years later (1969) when they released it as a single.

Whenever I hear the song, I have images of myself boarding a Boeing 707 jet with my young wife and child to visit family in Hawaii. I also remember two Peter, Paul and Mary live concerts that I went to in college – Honolulu (1963) while at the University of Hawaii, and Long Beach (1966) while at Woodbury College.

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" also evokes wonderful memories of our folk-singing group, The Januaries, and our college performances in the Los Angeles area.

What the commenter (obviously much younger than I) thinks of when he hears the song is Ben Affleck (the character A.J. Frost) singing it as he says goodbye to Liv Tyler (the character Grace Stamper) in the 1998 disaster film, Armageddon.

What you remember sometimes depends on when you were born. The much-older me rustles up images of meaningful true-to-life experiences, and the much-younger he remembers artificial popular culture.

It's hard not to feel sorry for these young people. But wait! I think that's what my dad said about my generation.

 

What Are 'Dungarees'?

Dungaree: Coarse, thick twill-weave cotton fabric, often colored blue. Derived from "Dongri," a village near Mumbai (formerly known as Bombay). Often thought synonymous as denim, but the coloring method differs. Dungaree is colored before weaving, denim after.

I'd heard the word used off and on when I was younger, not so much today. In fact, other than the Pickles comic strip above, the last time I heard it was when I was editor of the Honolulu Board of Water Supply employee newsletter and was trying to identify a worker in a picture I took so I could mention his name in the caption.

The section chief picked up his phone and called one of the supervisors to confirm if the man in the picture ("the one wearing dungarees") was indeed John Doe (name changed to protect the innocent).

The word then entered my realm of "Never to be Heard Of Again." Now why in the world do I still remember that incident?

Hey, You Guy-y-y-y-ys!

Remember the opening of PBS’s The Electric Company (1971 and later)? Or, Sloth in The Goonies (1985)? The signature line of both is “Hey, You Guy-y-y-ys!”

It seems it’s coming back. No, not the kiddie TV show. No, not The Goonies movie. And no, not Chunk’s good friend Sloth. “You guys” is coming back, mostly in restaurants.

When the wife and I went to breakfast recently at Kenny’s Restaurant in Kalihi, the hostess referred to us as “You guys” four times as she led us to our table, and once again when she asked how our meals were when we were done.

Whenever a group is served at restaurants, pay attention. Chances are that at least once, the waiter will address your group as “you guys.” It seems to have been taught to young waiters at the Waiting Academy’s English 101 class.

The term is kind of like today’s version of the Southern “y’all.” It’s completely superfluous and I guess is unintentionally meant (how’s that for an oxymoron?) to inject a friendly, informal reference to a group of people (e.g., customers, fares, tour groups).

“You” is not only singlular, it’s also plural. Why don’t they just say “you” and drop the “guys”? It’s so … low class, and “you guys” presumes a close acquaintanceship that really does not exist. I want my waiters to be prompt, friendly and helpful. Not my buddy.

Is that okay with you guys?

Branching Out

There it was, a new branch greeting the bright sun of a spring day, just poking out of a tree in my San Jose son's back yard.

Even that little insect on the left leaf wasn't bothering the twig. The burgundy-wine-colored leaves were flourishing.

It brought just a touch of joy into my heart. Everything strives to live, to grow, to be relevant. Even a tree. And I was thankful that it was sharing its optimism in the world with me.