Left Field Wander

Super Bowl Antics

2012-02-16T08:00:00.001-10:00

Recently, I've taken to spending Super Bowl weekend in LasVegas ... for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's fun watching the game ina huge banquet hall with hundreds of fans. Second, it's a way to place a legalwager on the game, which makes it all the more interesting to watch and cheer.

Finally, well, heck, it's fun!

I've been to Las Vegas "Big Game" (Super Bowl)parties where you pay your money (about a hunnert bucks or so) and sit in asmaller lounge with a large flat screen, and an all-you-can-eat buffet. Thoseare nice, they toss t-shirts in the audience and you leave with a bunch ofgoodies afterwards.

I've also been to several free ones, especially at TheTuscany (off strip on Flamingo Boulevard, across from Lawry's The Prime Rib).But I've never been to the one at the South Point Casino 'way out there, aboutfive miles north of The Mandalay on the Las Vegas Strip.

So I decided to try that one this year. I got there at aboutfive minutes to 2 p.m. on Super Sunday, just before the doors were supposed toopen. It took me a few minutes to walk to the venue, and when I got there,lo-and-behold, they had five ballrooms open.

Game watchers at the South Point Resort & Casino

I checked the first ... full to the gills. I checked thesecond ... jam-packed. I checked the third ... same thing. Finally I checkedthe double-sized one ... incredibly packed, with people standing, peoplesitting on tables, and people sitting against the walls.

And the TV monitors looked so small. Not a good sign. Iasked around, but all the empty seats were saved for guests who had gone to thecasino to gamble until the game started. Nary a seat to be had.

When I first got there, I almost bought my snacks and drinksbefore finding a seat. Good thing I didn't, or I'd be standing there holding mygrub with no place to eat it. If I had three hands, I'd have a beer in one, aplate of hotdogs in the second, and would be sucking the thumb on my thirdhand.

Well hell. I gave up, jumped back in the car and drove backtoward the Strip to the one place I'd been to before – The Tuscany.

Super Bowl at The Tuscany

Ah, it was like being home again. Plenty of seating, roomdivided into the Giants side and the Patriots side, food stations with $2hotdogs, $3 hamburgers, $3 chili nachos, and all the $2 beer you can drink.

What I like about The Tuscany is that they have two largescreens on each side, one helluva sound system, tables and rows of seats.During time-outs, they have drawings and give away cases of beer, beer coolers,and beer-related clothes (all donated by their beer sponsor of the year). Nogoodie bag this year, though, so no keychains, bottle openers, magnets, teeshirts and baseball caps. Shucks.

But that’s okay. I got to act like a fool in the midst ofhundreds of strangers who were acting just as foolish as I was. I had a ball …and I won too!

Guess where I’m going nextSuper Bowl Sunday.

Utah Adventure 5: Enroute to Las Vegas

2012-02-15T08:00:00.000-10:00

Exiting the entrance to Zion National Park was just thefirst part of my return to Las Vegas. I knew the drive was going to be at leastthree hours, but I did want to stop by at a couple of places passed earlier inthe day.

So I allowed four hours to get back to my hotel in LasVegas. As it turns out, that’s exactly how much time it took me, from 1 to 5p.m., to conclude a two-day excursion of a little more than 400 miles.

Rock Shops

My first stop was at a couple of rock shops in Springdale,the little community just outside the park’s entrance. The first was a littlehouse on the side of the road called the Zion Prospector. Cute little place,but for some reason, I was the only one there.

The second place was a lot “shackier” with tables full ofimpressively colored rocks outside. Now, thatstore (Zion Rocks & Gem) had quite a few people wandering around wearingheavy gloves and hefting volleyball-sized rocks around the place.

What really caught my eye was that box full of fossil sharkteeth, marked for sale at 50 cents apiece. If I didn’t have a bagful of thesethings already, I would have bought a few. But, as you know, I was on a time schedule (didn’t want to get intoVegas after the sun had set).

Fort Zion

Then, just down the road in Virgin, I stopped at a placecalled the Fort Zion Trading Post. It’s like a cartoon version of an Old Westtown in which one could probably spend an hour or two. Unfortunately, it wasclosed and the entrance to the parking lot was chained.

So much for that adventure. Still, it was nice to look at andphotograph.

As if to compensate me for my interest, a beautifulwhite rooster with a brilliant-red coxcomb and wattles came rushing out togreet me, running maybe 50 yards from the trading post entrance to peck theground around my feet.

“Hey, pretty poor timing,” he seemed to cluck at me. “Youshould have been here yesterday when everything was open. You see that door?Behind that door are Western wonders that will leave you chirping with joy.”

Rotten rooster, rubbing it in.

Heritage Park

My final stop was in the town of Hurricane, at the corner ofState and Main Streets – The Hurricane Valley Heritage Park & Museum, whichhonors the pioneers that trekked the desert to establish towns and settlementsin Southern Utah.

The prominent feature of the park is the Pioneer Gratitudemonument sculpted by George O. Cornish, who donated his work that depicted apioneer family working hard to make a life for themselves and their community.

Hurricane had its beginning in 1906 with the arrival of 11 Mormonpioneer families, who faced hatred and religious bigotry.

I didn’t visit the museum as my watch was screaming at me toget back on the road. So, with radio station KURR (“It’s About Variety!”)turned up loud on my car radio, I head-rocked and butt-danced to the music ofthe Beach Boys (“I sailed on the sloop John B” … “Round, round, get around, I getaround”), the Eagles (“Take it eee-eeasy, take it easy”) and Steppenwolf (“Bo-o-ornto be wi-i-ild”).

Ya gotta sing on a road trip, right?

Ahhh … at last, I found myself rolling into Las Vegas, with the bright lights ofdowntown sparkling before me.

Good trip. Utah rocks!

Happy Valentine's Day

2012-02-14T09:49:00.000-10:00

We take a short break from my Utah adventure to bring a little sweetness to your life.

While wandering around Las Vegas last week, I came across these cute vanilla cupcakes at Red Rock Resorts' Grand Cafe bakery. Since the theme of the little cakes was Valentine's Day, and since this is indeed that particular day when we're supposed to remember the one(s) we love most, I thought I'd share them with you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

(The Utah adventure concludes tomorrow.)

Utah Adventure 4: Zion National Park, Part 2

2012-02-13T08:00:00.000-10:00

“All this is the musicof waters.” – John Wesley Powell, 1895

The Court of the Patriarchs (Click on picture for a larger view)

The rest of my Zion National Park experience continued onthe Zion Canyon Scenic Drive. Wow, what an experience that was. The magnificence of the canyon and the color landscapecan only be described in that highly overused word that’s come to lose some ofits meaning due to its omnipresence in today’s language, that tritest of words – awesome.

Truly, Zion will strike awe into your soul, awaken yourspirit and as we say in Hawaii, whop your jaws. If you’ve been to the GrandCanyon, it’s something like that, except that instead of looking down andacross, you’re looking up and all around you.

The best thing to do is stop at the shuttle stops, get outand walk around a bit, camera in hand, heart a-pounding in your chest. The airis brisk and the sun is bright, bringing out the colors of the canyon walls.There is no sound save perhaps for a babbling brook and the muted voices ofyour fellow tourists. Mostly what you’ll hear is nature in the raw.

Along the way, you’ll see the famous 7,157-foot-tall Sentinel,the familiar Court of the Patriarchs, take a potty break at Zion Lodge, restyour tootsies at The Grotto, view the 6,744-foot tall Great White Throne, andin one of my favorite stops, develop a crick in your neck at Weeping Rock.

Continue on a little farther and you reach The Bend, wherethree of the landmarks can be viewed from a single location – Angel’s Landing,The Great White Throne, and The Organ. At the terminus of Zion Canyon ScenicDrive is the Temple of Sinawava and Riverside Walk. I recommend you take thewalk, at least partway.

If you want to drive the scenic route yourself, you’ll haveto visit during the winter season, as it’s closed to vehicular traffic fromspring through fall, due to the volume of tourists. That’s when the shuttlebuses run.

A day trip to Zion should prove exciting and adequate.However, if you’re in good physical condition and want to get a little moreintimate with the park, you can stay there overnight and do some hiking. Heck,there are enough trails to keep a hiker busy for a week.

All too soon, it seemed, I reached the Temple of Sinawavaand had to drive back to the park entrance. It took me a while to get back,however, as I couldn’t resist stopping at pull-offs on the other side of thedrive to stop and reflect, gaze and photograph.

Here are some of the pictures I brought back to share withyou:

Click on picture for larger view

Coming Up: Enroute to Las Vegas

Utah Adventure 3: Zion National Park, Part 1

2012-02-12T08:00:00.000-10:00

Since my day’s activities were going to end up with medriving about four hours back to Las Vegas after leaving Zion National Park,the first thing I did was fill up my gas tank, which I’d half-emptied driving fromLas Vegas to St. George.

A quick breakfast at Denny’s, and I was on my way. It takesabout an hour or so to drive to Zion, but the scenery along the way isbreathtaking, what with all those colorful mesas, hills and valleys. I reallydon’t have the words to describe just how amazingly beautiful the rock layersare; you’re just going to have to rely on my inadequate descriptions andphotographs.

The Highway 9 route required a right turn at Virgin to getto the town (more like community) of Springdale, just outside the entrance toZion. And of course, I passed it. As I drove on, I noticed a parallel roadheading up the side of a mountain and thought, “Hmmmm, shouldn’t I be doingthat?” Turns out I was heading north on Kolob Terrace Road.

About face! Once back on track, it was smooth sailing fromthen on, albeit about 20 minutes behind schedule.

Click on picture for larger view

It’s interesting that along the way (I think it was nearRockville), I passed an RV rental/sales lot with hundreds upon hundreds ofcampers and recreational vehicles just sitting there waiting to be rented orbought. It was like coming across a snowfield in the desert.

When I finally reached the entrance to Zion, I wanted totake a picture of the sign but had to wait my turn while a couple of familiesscampered around on it having their photos taken. My travel monkey, Pinchy, wasgetting a little impatient, but what the heck, I had all day.

Once I was in the park, the first thing I wanted to do wasdo a pit stop. Luckily, just past the $25-a-car “you pays so you can stays” booth was thevisitor center with clean bathrooms and a nice gift shop where I bought a shirtfor the wife, a tee-shirt for the grandson, and a cap for myself.

Heading into the park, I didn’t re-consult the map, so Ifailed to negotiate the left turn onto the Zion Canyon Scenic Drive, insteadcontinuing straight ahead to the Zion-Mount Carmel Highway, which wasn’t such abad idea. Sure, I had to go up the mountain on a winding, precarious switchbackthat caused the backs of my thighs to tremble and my foot to ease up on theaccelerator, but it sure was beautiful.

I experienced a couple of heart palpitations when I hit abig ol’ ice patch on the road that brought back memories of driving up to LakeTahoe from Reno in a driving snow storm. Driving gingerly for a couple ofhundred feet, I got past that hazard.Easy doings, actually.

Now, on that “highway” (I put that in quotes because it’sactually a two-lane road), there are two tunnels, the first of which is1.1-miles long. Really dark, no lights inside, except for a few holes cut intothe side of the mountain every quarter-mile or so. I was so happy to see thelight at the end of that tunnel; the second tunnel isn’t quite so long.

You do emerge into an incredible landscape of beautifulscenery:

So the detour was all worthwhile. Although I still had athird of the way to go before I reached the park’s east entrance, I decided todo a 180 and turn around. And I did it at just the right time, it turns out.

At one of the pull-over points, I came across a RockyMountain Sheep of the female gender (eweknow what I mean) that was peacefully grazing alongside the road. Snap, snap,took pictures along with a family whose kids were gawking and trying not tosqueal with pleasure (great work by the parents, I must say).

Back through the tunnel, down the switchbacks (it’s scariergoing down), and then a right turn back onto the Zion Canyon Scenic Drive.

Coming Up: Zion National Park, Part 2 (Zion Canyon Scenic Drive)

Utah Adventure 2: Dinosaur Discovery Site

2012-02-11T08:00:00.000-10:00

After checking into my room at the Claridge and wolfing downa pretty late breakfast (1 p.m.) at Black Bear, I plotted my route to theDinosaur Discovery Site, where fossilized bones and footprints of the giantcreatures were on display.

The museum is on the site of Johnson Farm, wherehuge slabs of rock with the dino-prints preserved in them were found duringleveling of the land a dozen years ago.

A check with Google Maps revealed there were two ways to getthere. The first was the fast way, on Interstate 15. The other was a morescenic route along a surface street called Riverside Drive. That’s the route Idecided on, so I was able to pass through business areas, as well as open areaswith terrific geologic scenery.

It wasn’t hard to find. There is an admission fee, ofcourse, but it’s very reasonable: $6 for adults, $3 for kids 4-11, and free forkids younger than 4.

The first thing you do is sit on some folding chairs andwatch a video on a small TV set operated by the guy who collects the admission(he points the remote control from his counter), which I thought was ratheramusing. Hopefully they eventually will be able to get a larger flat-screen tomake the experience a little more profession. But what the heck, it works.

There are some large glass-cased displays at the start ofthe “tour” that are quite informative, with lots of scientific information andpictures. Mind you, there are not a lot of pictures of actual dinosaurs, sokids might be a little bored … even adults who aren’t really into readinginformation.

What you do get to see are tons of rock slabs full ofdinosaur foot impressions, tail markings and swim tracks. It’s prettyincredible when you think of it – dinosaurs become more real whenever you seeevidence of their existence, and it’s amazing what we’ve learned over the pastcentury about these extinct creatures and ancestors of today’s birds.

I’ve always wanted to see dinosaur tracks; here’s a taste ofwhat I finally was able to experience.

River bed rock field

Rock slabs with dinosaur tracks

Eubrontes footprint

Grallator footprint

Dilophosaurus model by Cliff Green

Coming Up: Zion National Park

Utah Adventure 1: St. George

2012-02-10T08:00:00.000-10:00

Interstate 15 enroute to Utah (Click on picture for larger view)

While discussing side trips one may take while visiting LasVegas, my cousin (actually, my brother-in-law’s brother-in-law) suggested St.George, Utah.

Also known as Utah’s Dixie because of the cotton plantationsthat sprang up when Mormon settlers needed an economic base, St. George is oneof the fastest-growing U.S. metropolitan areas, with a population of nearly73,000.

When I did research on the city before deciding, two thingsconvinced me – first, St. George is the home of the Dinosaur Discovery Site,where preserved dinosaur footprints were discovered in 2000 by Dr. SheldonJohnson, who was leveling ground for farming. Second, St. George is the perfectjumping-off point for a day visit to Zion National Park.

I decided to do it, and the morning after arriving in LasVegas, I hopped into my rented car and headed north on Interstate 15. The drivefrom downtown Las Vegas is a little more than two hours, but it’s not a tediousdrive. During the first half, the beauty of the Nevada desert unfolds allaround you.

Moapa Paiute Travel Plaza

I made a short stop at the Moapa Paiute Indian Travel Plazato adjust my side-view mirror, it was the first place I could pull over safely,but it also gave me a chance to take a few tourist pictures.

Entering the Virgin River Canyon

Then, after you hit the town of Mesquite, everything changesas you drive through the Virgin River Canyon. Traffic slows considerably fromthe 75 mph limit on Interstate 15. It’s something you’d really want to doanyway, so you can take in the beauty of the canyon.

Next comes the Utah Port of Entry, where trucks andcontainer semis must stop to be weighed. It’s one of the ways the Utah Dept. ofTransportation monitors commercial vehicles, and reroutes them if necessary.

St. George is bounded by some fabulous geology, the mostnoticeable of which are the red buffs to the north, the Mojave Desert to thesouth, and Zion National Park to the east.

I checked in at the Claridge Inn at a pretty reasonable rate.The room was Spartan but clean, with great television channel coverage, andfree wireless Internet. And the Black Bear Diner (one of my favorites) was justaround the corner. Perfect!

Coming up: TheDinosaur Discovery Site at Johnson Farm

Nicotine Patches and Gum … Ehh

2012-02-09T08:00:00.000-10:00

It was big news a couple of weeks ago, but now that thenovelty’s worn off, nobody’s talking about recent findings that nicotinepatches and gum aren’t very effective.

According to a study by the Harvard School of Public Healthand the University of Massachusetts in Boston, about a third of those whorelied on the self-prescribed patch/gum treatment relapsed. Whether the formersmoker did or didn’t have professional counseling made no difference. One inthree just couldn’t quit.

That’s sad, but if it proves one thing, it’s that there’s noeasy road to breaking any bad habit.

I quit smoking in 1966, after a four-year, two-pack-a-dayhabit. Cold turkey. One day, I just crumbled up my remaining pack of Pall Mallnon-filters and flushed them down the toilet. It was harder to get rid of thecigarettes than it was not to smoke. And it was all for one reason: The wifeasked me to stop.

I’m glad I quit – I’d be spending a fortune to keep it uptoday. A pack costs at least $8 today; that’s $16 a day, nearly $5,700 a year.

So, no nicotine patches or gum needed in this house. But … Iguess if it’s the only way to a person to cut back on smoking, then what theheck, do it.

My Midday Tea Break

2012-02-08T08:00:00.000-10:00

Tea Display at Whole Foods Market

There's something about a midday tea break that warms the body, calms the soul, relaxes the mind, and soothes the spirit. I've been doing that for quite some time now.

A couple of years ago, I found some tins of Japanese green tea in our cupboard, tea that people had given us for Christmas and special occasions, but which were never opened. So I started opening them. There were tins of loose green tea, packets of pekoe tea, Earl Grey, Japanese habucha and genmaicha, Chinese orange pekoe and jasmine ... you name it, I had it.

Currently, I have enough tea to last a few years. Should civilization be severely damaged by nuclear war and its resultant winter, as long as I have a pot, water, and fire, I can have my midday tea break.

I just finished some wonderful Chinese ti kuan yin pekoe tea bags given to us by my son's sister-in-law, and now I'm delving through some Japanese green tea from a tin given to us by who knows who. The specific type of tea, and where it's from, I have no idea, because I don't read Japanese.

But it's delicious and it's refreshing and it's soothing and it's hot.

Now ... who hid those macadamia nut shortbread cookies I bought to go along with my midday tea?

A Short Shutdown

2012-02-02T08:00:00.000-10:00

I'm heading off for Las Vegas tonight, with a short, one-day side-trip to St. George, Utah, where I plan to visit the Dinosaur Discovery Site and Zion National Park.

This early-February Las Vegas trip has been a recent tradition, and it allows me to watch the Super Bowl in a huge casino ballroom jam-packed with hordes of screaming fans, all of whom are drinking beer and munching on tail-gate goodies.

I might even come home with a souvenir or two.

So, the lights in left field will be turned off for a few days while I wander around in Utah and Las Vegas, until I return next Tuesday.

Drive carefully, don't forget to buckle up, be kind to everyone, and I'll see you when I get back.

Patience is a Virtue ... Here’s Why

2012-02-01T08:00:00.000-10:00

'Nintai' - Japanese for 'Patience'

It’s true. Patience definitely is a virtue, and if you believe the following, then you’ll be aspatient as a plum for the rest of your life.

When people die, they have to stand in line at the PearlyGates and be questioned by St. Peter, who refers to a checklist and determines whetheror not a person will be admitted to Heaven.

Most stand in line patiently, but a few (especially those inthe back of the very long line … hey, it takes quite a while to processpotential angels, y’know) begin to get edgy and irritated. These impatientsouls invariably begin craning their necks, and causing a ruckus by voicingtheir frustrations.

These people are identified and get sent to the end of theline once they reach the gates. And that infuriates them even further. Notgood. It only gets them sent to the back of the line again. Definitely notgood, because invariably, the line keeps getting longer.

It’s not so good at the end of the line – that’s where allthe impatient people are. It’s also close to the Cave of Hell, where swiftlittle demons lurk, ready to snatch up people in line and drag them into thefiery depths. And who’s closest to them? Yep, the people at the end of theline.

And who’s at the end of the line? Yep, the impatient oneswho were sent there over and over again.

So next time someone you know becomes impatient, tell themthis little fable. But don’t blame me if they bop you one. Impatient people arealso pretty intolerant.

M'name's Sandy, Ma'am

2012-01-31T08:00:00.000-10:00

I can recall the days when Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas was just a regular ol' street, with cars driving by and pedestrians jaywalking, taking their lives into their own hands. Actually, it was pretty safe, as the lights from the casino signs were so bright, it was like daytime out there in the dark of night.

Now, it's a mall. The Fremont Experience. Kiosks abound, as well as acrylic artists and other such talented people. Once, I even saw a '60s Volkswagen love bus on display.

When I was there in December, the rodeo was in town, and right smack dab in the center of Fremont was a sand sculpture. Made sense. Las Vegas is in the desert, the desert has lots of sand, there's no beach so sand artists need to put their work where they can. The cowboys were in town, so a cowboy theme was entirely appropriate.

Juxtaposed next to a kitsch shop, the Western sand art had everything going for it.

Viva Las Vegas!

Winter in Honolulu

2012-01-30T08:00:00.000-10:00

Remember a few weeks ago when I ran a picture of a beautiful pink tree just to irritate those of you who are experiencing the dead of winter where you live?

I'm doing it again. This time, it's a panoramic view of Waikiki and Diamond Head framed by a beautifully calm, warm ocean and a heavenly blue sky laced with fluffy clouds. Took this picture on Saturday when the wife and I went for a walk.

If you click on the picture, you'll get a larger view.

Enjoy. Better yet, come visit us when it gets too cold where you are. I think it's in the mid-80s here today.

Hawaii’s Pro Bowl Yuckles

2012-01-29T08:00:00.000-10:00

After attending the first two NFL Pro Bowls in Honolulu, ‘wayback in 1980 and 1981, I gave up my tickets. Although the Pro Bowl was anovelty and a sensation in Hawaii once it settled here after its wanderingdays, I’d had enough.

When I was in newspaper work in Los Angeles, I used to getfree tickets to the Pro Bowl, which was always played at the Los AngelesColiseum. Granted, the seats were ‘way up there in the ozone layer, but thatwas okay because attendance was always light and we could meander down tobetter, unoccupied seats.

Back then I was an ardent LA Rams fan, so it was fun towatch my favorite players together at one time on the field – classic players,like Jim Brown, Gale Sayers, Roman Gabriel, Merlin Olsen, Bart Starr, Mike Ditka, Deacon Jones, Johnny Unitas and Fran Tarkenton. Now, those were all-stars.

Plus, the game was played after the championship game, soall of the league’s top players were there.

I was reminded of today’s game this morning when I read FerdLewis’ column in the HonoluluStar-Advertiser, in which he talked about some memorable moments at AlohaStadium. My favorites from his Top 10 List:

1981: “Men, ourgoal this week is to be on the beach at 11:30, and I’m just here to play golf,so get to know your assistant coaches.” – John McKay, AFC coach.

1993: Troy Aikmanleft the game at half-time to catch a flight back home; consequently, NFC coachGeorge Seifert coach couldn’t put him in.

1995: “Damn, Ididn’t want to go to Honolulu. Already been there 16 times.” – Barry Switzer,NFC coach.

2002: Rich Gannon(AFC Oakland Raiders) won the MVP, but somebody forgot to bring the trophy, sothey hustled up a bowling trophy and gave that to him instead.

I kid you not.

Here Come the Woofers and Yappers

2012-01-28T08:00:00.000-10:00

This is just something to put in your tickler file so youdon’t forget – The 2012 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is scheduled forMonday and Tuesday, Feb. 13-14, at Madison Square Garden.

It’s a little too early for me to schedule it on my DVR, butit’s marked on my calendar, circled in red. I’d sure hate to miss thecompetition (I’ve been watching it for as long as I can remember). It’ll bebroadcast live on the USA Network.

A total of 185 breeds can compete in the annual show,including six new ones this year.

In the picture above, the six newly eligible breeds are(top, l-r), the Xoloitzcuintli (formerly known as the Mexican Hairless), the NorwegianLundehund, the Finnish Lapphund, (bottom, l-r) the Entlebucher Mountain Dog,the Cesky Terrier, and the American English Coonhound.

The Westminster show is one of my “Don’t Miss” programs ofthe year. I can’t wait.

Oh Poop, the Birds Are Back

2012-01-27T08:00:00.000-10:00

You may have seen this story before, because it’s not new;it’s just that it’s back in the news now because of CNN’s broadcast story ofthe phenomenon yesterday. The birds are back! Black ravens by the thousands.

What is it about Kentucky that’s attracting hordes ofravens? They swarmed in Shelbyville during the spring of 2010, and now they’reswarming in La Grange.

Lots of them. And along with the birds comes bird poop. Lotsof it. Some of the residents there said they have to run indoors when the birdsarrive, and that the sound of their whitewash splattering on the ground, ontheir cars, on their roofs, and on their umbrellas sounds like rainfall.

‘Cept it ain’t rain. It’s more stinky.

Pastor Paul Begley, on the website, Rapture in the Air Now, calls gatherings such as this signs ofJesus’ coming. The “times of the Apocalypse” are upon us. I’m not sure he’sright, but then again, who knows for sure?

The swarm of birds? Or the swarm of religious opportunists?Which is worse?

Either way, it’s a sign that the Apocalypse is near. Shadesof Alfred Hitchcock and Betty Boop! Good E-e-evening. Poop-poop-pi-doo!

Even Lawyers Have Standards

2012-01-26T08:00:00.000-10:00

Sherman's Lagoon

I know, I know. My bad. I'm making fun of lawyers. But they are often referred to as sharks, and people do make fun of them, so just for today, I'll succumb to dark side and join the frivolity. Besides, this is funny.

. o O ( Couldn't help it, this comic strip just cracked me up. )

Primm Valley Fashion Outlet Mall

2012-01-25T08:00:00.000-10:00

Next time you're in Las Vegas and want something to do, why not take a 45-minute drive south on I-15 toward Los Angeles? Just keep on driving through the desert until you reach a small resort area known as Primm Valley.

There you'll find a couple of casinos and a terrific up-scale shopping mall known as the Fashion Outlets of Las Vegas (a misnomer for sure because it's so far from Las Vegas, but I guess you capitalize on famous place names, right?), which is the home of about 100 stores.

It's all indoors, so whether it's windy freezing cold outside, or like a summer oven, you're going to be comfortable as you empty your wallets.

Your favorites are there: DKNY, Tommy Bahama, Perfumania, Crocs, Old Navy, Williams-Sonoma, Hugo Boss, American Eagle, Ann Taylor, Eddie Bauer, Coach ... and, the only Neiman-Marcus Last Call outlet store I've ever come across in my travels.

They've got a small food court too, as well as some fast-food outlets in the parking area. Whenever we're there, the wife grabs a lemonade from the Hot Dogs on a Stick booth. It's difficult to just walk a straight line down the mall concourse because you want to divert and check out the kiosks that fill the center aisle.

Such temptation. I try not to go there everytime I'm in Las Vegas.

Where Hawaii Ranks 9

2012-01-24T08:00:00.000-10:00

The United Health Foundation recently released its findingsfor 2011 – its America’s Health Rankings. For more information, you can visittheir website: www.americashealthrankings.org.

Here’s some of what they found about Hawaii:

Overall HealthiestStates

1. Vermont

2. New Hampshire

3. Connecticut

4. HAWAII

5. Massachusetts

Cancer Deaths per100,000 Population

1. Utah (137.4)

2. HAWAII (158.9)

3. Colorado (163.9)

4. Arizona (166.7)

5. New Mexico (170.0)

Cardiovascular Deathsper 100,000 Population

1. Minnesota (197.2)

2. HAWAII (214.3)

3. Utah (215.2)

4. Colorado (217.0)

5. Arizona (218.3)

Lack of HealthInsurance (% of Population)

1. Massachusetts (5.0% of population)

2. HAWAII (7.5%)

3. Minnesota (8.9%)

4. Wisconsin (9.2%)

5. Vermont (9.5%)

Obesity (% ofPopulation)

1. Colorado (21.4%)

2. Utah (23.0%)

3. Connecticut (23.0%)

4. HAWAII and Nevada (tied at 23.1%)

Kung Hei Fat Choy!

2012-01-23T06:00:00.000-10:00

Happy New Year! Today is the first day of Year 4709, according to the Chinese calendar, and all across Asia (and Hawaii, with its large Asian population), people are celebrating the Year of the Dragon.

Not any old dragon, mind you, but the Water Dragon. Water influences the dragon in 2012, as it did in 1952, by calming its fearless temperament. Enthusiasm will be redirected, and people born in the Year of the Water Dragon will be more perceptive of others.

Dragons are risk-takers but usually are blessed with good health. Where others may run into obstacles, dragons normally find the paths ahead of them to be clear and obstacle-free.

They make good computer analysts, engineers, inventors, architects and lawyers. However, they are egotistical and crave being the center of attention. They are usually bossy, dominating and authoritative.

Dragons find their best relationships with partners born in the Year of the Rat.

So now you know!

Japan's Bullfinch Festival

2012-01-22T08:00:00.001-10:00

Japanese Bullfinch ("Uso")

Next week, Tenjin shrines throughout Japan will sponsortheir annual "Uso Exchanges" – a ritual that involves a pretty birdcalled the Uso, or bullfinch.

With its red breast contrasting starkly with its black headand tail, the little bullfinch has come to represent falsehoods in our lives …lies as it may. But these lies can be exchanged for the truths inherent in thespirit of Sugawara Michizane, a poet, scholar and politician in Japan’s Heianperiod.

Since the 17^th Century, locals have gone toTenjin shrines and purchased wood-carved manifestations of the Uso. They then exchangethe wooden birds with others who they meet at the shrine, symbolically turningtheir misfortunes into lies and exchanging them for truths.

This ritual usually is scheduled for January 25, so if youhurry, you still have time to get to Japan and participate.

Me? I think I’ll hang on to my lies this year. I'm saving my money to go to Las Vegas.

(I have to credit Marukai Market's monthly publication, Irasshai, with turning me on to this information. This interesting mailer is where I get most of my knowledge about Japanese customs and traditions that I pass on to you.)

Laura Calder II

2012-01-21T08:00:00.000-10:00

Laura Calder, as you probably already know, is one of myfavorite television chefs of all time. Her series on The Cooking Channel, French Food at Home, is must-see morningviewing for me.

New Haircut (November 2011)

However, since she only did three series for Food NetworkCanada, which are the shows being shown in the U.S., there are a limited numberof different episodes being broadcast in Hawaii.

Good News/Bad News#1: Fortunately, for us Calderphiles,she was the subject of Chefography onThe Cooking Channel on Dec. 30, 2011. That’s the good news. The bad news isthat I missed. It. Consequently, I’ve been waiting for it to replay so I canDVR it and not miss it again.

Good News/Bad News #2:The good news is that Laura has completed filming her new series, Recipe to Riches. The bad news is thatit’s for Food Network Canada and I’m not sure if it’ll be shown in the U.S.right away.

Laura posts fairly regularly on her Facebook page whenevershe’s around and her posts are quite interesting, revealing many of her insidethoughts and moods. She’s not like some other celebrities who have others dotheir posting for them. Plus, she often carries on a dialogue in posts peoplemake on her page.

When she asked on Facebook what she should do with leftoverham in vast quantities, she got 133 suggestions.

For a nifty personal look at Laura, check out her website atwww.lauracalder.ca.

The Pizza Blot

2012-01-20T08:00:00.000-10:00

Do you blot away the grease squirming around on top of the pizza soconveniently dropped off at your front door by the nice young man driving aweird-looking Volkswagen with a pizza sign on top?

You really should. You could lose weight – granted it’s notmuch of a weight loss over the course of a year, but it could be healthy andless artery-clogging to boot.

I was watching a 2009 episode of Food Detectives on The Cooking Channel, where they replicated a Popular Science experiment and proved unequivocallythat pizza using poor quality cheese releases a lot of oil. Why? Because thecheap cheese used by fast-food pizza restaurants contains a lot of oil – more oil in the cheese, more oil on top ofthe pizza. Makes sense.

Okay, so they cooked 20-inch pizzas and cut each into 8slices. Each slice averaged 3.5 grams of fat blotted off (averaging about 35calories).

Then they shared their math: Two slices a week (the nationalaverage) adds up to 104 slices a year. That's two cups of grease or 3,640calories. And that's an extra pound gained each year.

As for the paper napkins they used for blotting the greasypizza, they were weighed before and after blotting.

Blot, blot, blot … helps prevent heart clot, clot, clot.

Lure of the Outdoors

2012-01-19T08:00:00.000-10:00

Dangling from a rack at the Cowboy Christmas Gift Fair that I attended in Las Vegas this past December were these den signs extolling the virtues of the outdoors - hunting and fishing, in particular.

I can't imagine having any of these in my home; after all, I don't own any Pendleton shirts, barn jackets, leather boots, fishing gear or rifles. But they are amusing to look at when you find them all in a bunch like this.

My favorite one is the second from the left: "We Interrupt this Marriage ... to go Fishing." Oh, reel-y? LOL.

What's Janet Air?

2012-01-18T08:00:00.001-10:00

I betcha a buck you never heard of Janet Air. Yet if you've been to Las Vegas, you may have seen its planes sitting on the tarmac. Just look for the aircraft with a red stripe running horizontally across its fuselage windows.

Janet Air flies exclusively between Las Vegas and the infamous Area 51, about 80 miles north of downtown Vegas. It's where the U.S. Government supposedly is stashing alien UFOs and ostensibly an alien or two that crash-landed somewhere in the desert in the 1950s.

No, it's not transporting aliens to and from Las Vegas. Rather, it's transporting people who work there and live in sin city.

I learned about Janet Air on the History Channel program, How the States Got Their Shapes. They had a special program on areas of the U.S. that aren't owned by anybody 'cept the Federal Government. Mighty interesting indeed, and if you get a chance, check out the series.

Curious, I was able to take this picture from a service road just off the Las Vegas Strip, across from the Four Seasons Hotel next to the Mandalay Bay. Turn toward the airport on the little street next to the Smart Mart.

Just one more interesting thing to do when you get tired of gambling, or after you have your picture taken at the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign.

The Golden Globes

2012-01-17T08:00:00.000-10:00

Every year around this time, I open the morning newspaper and see a story about who won Golden Globe Awards this year.

And every year around this time, I am reminded that my entertainment viewing habits are wa-a-ay outta line with the general public - at least those who vote for their favorites.

Not one of my favorite television shows, not one of the movies I saw last year, not one of my favorite actors/actresses won a Golden Globe. Nary a one. Zero to the nth degree.

Y'know, I don't even know who had been nominated and was in the running; Frankly, I didn't even know the awards show was televised on Sunday night. At least with the Academy Awards, I've seen at least a couple of the movies and actors/actresses that are nominated.

I think I'll refer to the Golden Globes as the "Foldin' Globes" as far as I'm concerned from now on. It seems more appropriate.

Oh well, maybe next year ...

The Alien Football Fan

2012-01-16T08:00:00.000-10:00

While we guys at the baby shower were watching the New Orleans Saints - San Francisco 49ers NFL playoff game on Saturday, I noticed something very strange.

I saw what I swear was the shadow of an alien probe raising its arms (articulations?) in joy as the Saints scored a touchdown. See it? To the right of those players in the foreground? Amazing! It almost seems joyous in its celebration.

Quick! Somebody call the Center for UFO Studies! Somebody call the U.S. Air Force and tell them we have a doozy for the Project Blue Book! Quick! Somebody call SETI!

I kid you not.

I Was Forced to Attend ...

2012-01-15T08:00:00.000-10:00

Craig arrived bearing gifts (Photo by the Wife)

... a baby shower, of all things.

Yesterday, I attended my first baby shower since my eldest son was still waiting to hitch a ride with the stork. That was in 1966. This latest one was in 2012 ... 46 years later, good gravy.

I dunno why I let myself get talked into these things. But, as it were, I went to my BIL's BIL's daughter's baby shower and rather enjoyed myself. One can't arrive at these things empty-handed, so I carried in a flower arrangement put together by the wife, and a pink shopping bag full of plastic and paper goodies, if you get my drift.

They even coerced me into playing a couple of games. I did win the "Drink the apple juice from the baby bottle" game, but then was disqualified because I didn't hear them say not to unscrew the nipple from the bottle and drink the juice that way.

Didn't do well in the "Guess the baby food" game, but the wife won a beautiful orchid plant. I think I only got one out of eight right. She got three, which just goes to show how awful everybody's guesses really were.

Then there was the "Guess what candy bar was smooshed in the diapers to make them look like baby poop" game. I would have won, but I changed two of my answers. The winner had two right, and I would have had three.

Guess that serves me right for being disqualified in the apple-juice suckling game.

I can hardly wait to attend my next baby shower ... in another 46 years.

Helping Just One

2012-01-14T08:00:00.000-10:00

One of my Facebook friends posted this picture recently, and it reminded me of a quotation that I carry around in my wallet at all times.

It's a quotation by Jacob M. Braude, author of Braude's Source Book for Speakers & Writers (Prentiss-Hall):

Whoever you are, there is some younger person who thinks you are perfect. There is some work that will never be done if you don't do it. There is someone who would miss you if you were gone. There is a place that you alone can fill.

Everything boils down to just one, be it a dog, a child, a friend, a protege, or you. Most especially you. You are the one. Without you the world will be missing something of great importance and value: Your presence and your legacy.

So, Whodat?

2012-01-13T08:00:00.000-10:00

The Honolulu Star-Advertiser ran this pictue on the front page of yesterday's sports section, illustrating a story about University of Hawaii at Manoa's new head football coach, Norm Chow, with whom many college-football fans are familiar. After all, he did run the offenses at USC and UCLA.

He's the one in the black shirt, black trousers, and lei. The cutline identifies his daughter to his right, then his wife to her right, then two assistant coaches.

But, you may ask, who is that squat, bearded guy sitting on the right of the picture ... the man with his arms folded defensively? Why, that's our governor, what's-his-name. I don't know why the newspaper didn't identify him. Could it be a subtle snub of some sort? Hmmmm.

He is, of course, Neil Abercrombie, former congressman from Hawaii. Which reminds me ... why did the outdoorsy clothing store Abercrombie & Fitch drop the "Fitch" from its name? I used to get some clothes there, now I can't even get into the door because of the loud music that's blasting out of the stores. "A&B," they call it now.

And another thing ... Norm Chow is going to have to get some white or light beige pants if he wants to fit in with the crowd. LOL.

Stuff That’s Tough to Throw Away

2012-01-12T08:00:00.000-10:00

According to Diana Reese of Family Circle magazine, there are several categories of things thatwe just don’t want to throw away, no matter how old or outdated they are.

You know what? I believe her. I mean, just look around your house. I betcha you’ll find atleast a couple of items in each category in the list that really now … admitit, you should dump or give away.

Her list (and my comments):

1. Kitchenutensils: I’ve got extra pots and pans galore. Even pots without handles,even non-stick sauté pans that are scratched and no longer non-stick.

2. Coffeemugs: You should see my collection. Every time someone gives me a coffeemug, onto the mug shelf it goes.

3. Plasticcontainers: We’ve got ‘em, two cupboard shelves full of them, remnants fromstuff that came in plastic containers.

4. Little-used stuff: Like staples for astapling gun that’s rusted, little jars of ground ginger that’s turned into abrown ball, thumbtacks missing a bulletin board, etc., etc.

5. Vases:Again, closet shelves full of them. I mean, the wife just can’t dispose ofvases that came with flowers someone gave us.

6. Food:Just thank God you don’t have to look into our freezer and refrigerator, not tomention the back of our cupboard and larder.

7. Spices:The spice rack is full. Spices lost their potency and I think most of ours losttheirs decades ago. We have powdered cinnamon that was bought in the ‘70s.

8. Receipts:Boxes and boxes in closets, thebasement, and in garage storage .

9. Magazines:I’m actually getting better with these. Instead of saving them to give away, Idump ‘em now, ‘cept for ones I think my mom would like to read.

10. Mail:Hah! This is no longer on my list,although there’s a stack that the wife and other members of the family don’topen, but just leave there lying on the kitchen table.

11. Unreadbooks: I think I have this one solved too. I now do all my book readingeither on my Kindle or my iPad2. Still, I do have a bunch of texts andreference books from my days as a university professor that I just can’t seemto get rid of (a reverence for the printed word, y’see).

12. Clothes:Tell me about it. Every now and then, when I cull my wardrobe, the wife insistsshe’ll give them to someone who wants them. Anybody want a pile of usedclothing in a couple of laundry baskets? And how come nobody throws away oldchildren’s clothes? I think some of my sons’ have worked their way all the wayto Florida by now.

13. Kids’artwork: It’s only when your kids leave home that their artwork disappearsoff the refrigerator door and into a drawer, never to be thrown away. Then youget grandkids and the cycle starts all over again.

14. Electronics:Anybody want an old desktop computer, either of my two old laptops, mynon-digital television sets, my Palm Pilot, or my old videotape camera?

15. Linens:We have sheets that I bought from an outlet store in downtown back in the mid-‘80s.They’re so thin in the toenail area.

16. Medicine:The other day, when I opened the medicine cupboard in the kitchen, I found andthrew away at least a dozen bottles of old, expired medicine. There are morehiding there. I just have to get ambitious and search for them.

17. Toys:Will somebody throw away those Legos? I stepped on one the other day, and wehaven’t taken them out since the sons left elementary school in the ‘70s.

I kid you not!

Sleep Texting

2012-01-11T08:00:00.000-10:00

I knew this was going to happen ... it's inevitable. They've been studying "sleep texting" - you know, people texting on their mobile phones while they're asleep.

The phenomenon is not surprising in the least, after all, there are those who can text almost unconsciously while carrying on a face-to-face conversation (I've actually seen this). So why not sleep texting?

People walk in their sleep. People talk in their sleep. People scratch their backs in their sleep (okay, maybe I'm just talking about myself with this one). So of course, there will ber some who text in their sleep.

The question I have is, what would you say in your text to someone while you're sleeping, and why can't it wait until you wake up? I know, that's two questions, but stay with me here, it gets interesting.

What if you text someone you really hate but who for some stupid reason is in your directory? Worse yet, what if you phantom-dial a long distance number to a crazed dictator somewhere in the world and tell him he has bad breath? You might start World War III.

They say a dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep (sorry, stole that from a Disney animated feature). Well, what if you're dreaming about getting even with your nemesis in life and just won a competition with him or her and dream that you're texting a gloating message, but instead you actually reach for your phone in your sleep and text the love of your life, and the next day s/he is suddenly out of touch and refuses to answer your phone calls?

What about that? Huh? Huh?

Lesson learned: Turn off your phone, leave it to recharge in the kitchen, and not by your bedside. If it rings, get up and walk to the kitchen. Just make sure you're not sleep walking.

Now, please turn off the lights. I need to get back to my bed and dream I'm returning home from left field.

Almost a National SHAM-pionship

2012-01-10T08:00:00.000-10:00

I wasn't sure I was going to watch the Alabama-LouisianaState football game yesterday, despite it being the BCS "NationalChampionship" game. After all, hadn't these two teams played an absolutelyboring no-touchdown game earlier in the season?

Call me a fool, but I decided to watch. Surely, they'd havefigured out how to overcome each other's tough defenses, right? Surely,there'll be a bunch of exciting, championship-caliber touchdowns scored, right?

Wrong.

The Crimson Tide charged up and down the field in the firsthalf and could come away with only three field goals (one missed). Notouchdowns, despite getting close a lot. LSU looked absolutely impotent andwent into the locker room at halftime with nothing but a huge goose egg ontheir side of the scoreboard.

Second half? Practically more of the same. Alabama chargingbut stalling, then kicking a field goal. Missed one too. LSU danced around likea lame ballerina at the beach.

Finally, with 4:36 remaining in the game, Alabama scored thefirst touchdown between these two this season. Yep, they had to play a total ofone hour, fifty-five minutes and 24 seconds before a touchdown was scored. Andthen, it was only poetic that Alabama missed the point after touchdown.

But that’s okay. The final score was 21-0, and if you onlysaw the score and didn't watch the game, you'd think Alabama scored three TDsto win. At least the game got a little exciting at the end, and the scorelooked good.

The LSU Tigers played like they were constipated. No fire.No oomph.

I wonder if LSU coach Les Miles forgot to give his boys their Viagrabefore the game, they were so impotent. They couldn't even get past the 50-yardline into Alabama territory.

Maybe they needed to have their juju blessed byPriestess Miriam at her Voodoo Spiritual Temple in New Orleans’ French Quarter.

This was a "National Championship" game? With alldue respect to my friends who were yelling “Roll Tide!” all night, it sure didn’tlook like it. Anyway, thanks to the touchdown, it avoided becoming a National SHAM-pionship game.

Cool Computer Feature

2012-01-09T08:00:00.000-10:00

You may have heard that I have a new computer, purchased sometime in November, picked up sometime in December thanks to an inattentive Best Buy Geek Squad guy, and only recently set up because I had better things to do during the Christmas and New Year holidays.

It's a Dell Inspiron One 2320 - an all-in-one desktop computer that has no tower and separate screen. Everything is in one unit fronted by a large 30" diagonal wide screen.

The cool thing about it is the Fast Access software that comes already installed. Once you register your facial image, it uses that image to let you into the computer instead of a password.

Turn on the computer, a window pops up and directs you to hold on a second while it gets ready. Then a little green box appears on the small image and follows your face around. As soon as you're recognized, you're in. Takes about 1/10th of a second, by my estimate.

Sure beats remembering and typing in a password.

Oh, by the way, it directs you to move a little. My guess is it does that to ensure nobody uses a photograph of me to fool Fast Access. It wants to see the facial features change ... I think.

The only thing is, none of my family will be able to use the computer in an emergency, unless we register their images first. Guess I should get hopping on that, huh?

The Scoop on Poop

2012-01-08T08:00:00.000-10:00

It was a place where if anyone heard you saying, "Oh crap!" they wouldn't mind. Because they'll probably be doing the same thing you are ... no, not making poop ... examining poop and everything you've ever wanted (or not wanted) to know about it.

Scat, doo-doo, dump, poop ... that's all I could think about when I visited the Origen Museum at Springs Preserve in Las Vegas. "The Scoop on Poop!" One heck of an exhibit.

The nice lady at the entrance to the exhibit had some samples of fresh (!) animal scat on hand and asked me if I had any questions about poop. I told her no, I've had enough experience in my life already and probably knew more about poop than most people. Yeah, right ... LOL.

But y'know, poop IS rather interesting. I mean, how often do you get to see (and touch, if you want to) life-sized models of pachyderm poop? You'd never do that at a zoo or in an African preserve, would you? Nope, I doubt it.

And oh my goodness, did you know that a newborn white-tailed deer actually has to get its mother's permission before it can poop? And did you know that in order to protect their babies from predators who might get ... er, wind of the droppings, the mommy eats (EATS! Ewww!) the poop?

And that's no gag! (Well, maybe it is.)

Random Musings 14

2012-01-07T08:00:00.000-10:00

I heard a woman complaining that Christmas ends too fast.Should I have told her to charge Christmas purchases next year to stretch outthe payments past Christmas?

* * * * *

Why do I always need a nap after the Monday morning stares?Is it because I’m really doing mental gymnastics, thinking of stuff? It’sexercise, isn’t it?

* * * * *

Does the last lemming in the bunch still feel compelled tojump off the cliff when there’s no pressure behind him?

* * * * *

Wait … I’m confused. Wasn’t YESTERDAY the first day of the rest of my life?

* * * * *

Don’t owls know how to spell? I heard one saying “Who?” whenit should have been saying “Hoo.”

Heart Attack Haven

2012-01-06T08:00:00.000-10:00

Okay, okay! Now that we’re into the New Year, it’s time tomake your New Year’s resolutions. Do you? I don’t. I mean, what’s the use? I’mnot going to remember what I said when the end of the month rolls around.

I could say I won’t eat any more greasy hamburgers thisyear, but how long do you think THAT wouldlast? Not long. Especially if I go back to Las Vegas and take a walk down the FremontStreet Experience to the Heart Attack Grill.

Have you seen it yet? They serve the hugest fat-dripping,mega-cholesterol burgers this side of Bedrock City. And they’re not ashamed ofit either. Neither are their customers. I’ve seen people stagger out of thereand lean on the hood of the ambulance parked near the entrance.

Their window posters are great! They advertise stuff likeno-filter cigarettes, pure cream butter fat shakes, even a quadruple-bypassburger.

Hey, how can you say bad things about a restaurant thatproclaims, “Over 350 Lbs Eats Free”? They urge you to ask about theirliposuction lottery. That one (the 350-pound one), I’m thankful to say, I don’tqualify for.

I kid you not. Yum!

Free Bonus Stuff

2012-01-05T08:00:00.000-10:00

They’re insidious; they find their way into our lives. Andyou know what? We can’t get rid of them. We keep them. Because we know they’refree. Because we know they might come in useful someday.

You know what I mean. It’s those bonus items that come withthings we buy. Things like:

· Rubber bands

· Twist ties

· Plastic margarine tubs

· Cookie tins

· Jam and spaghetti jars

· Shirt pins

· Safety pins

· Small gift boxes

· Bubble wrap

· Supermarket plastic bags

They are bonuses, they're free and oh, so useful, so we do what ourparents did. We keep them. We just can’t find the heart to throw them away.

Help!

My Omni Flight to Vegas

2012-01-04T08:00:00.000-10:00

Vacations Hawaii uses Omni Airlines International for itscharter tour flights to Las Vegas, and recently, I got to fly on their new 767aircraft. In first class, no less.

It’s always a different experience to fly first class. Thecrew is much nicer to you, and you meet the nicest people sitting next to you.Most of them are older; I’d say the average age of the passengers is around70+. Just look around in the waiting area.

Older folks like to buy the Vacations Hawaii package. Somuch so that a whole section up front in the main cabin is reserved for peoplein wheelchairs. I remember in the past where the wheelers boarded first andwere situated in the rear, by the toilets. Stinky.

However nice it was to sit in the wider first-class seats, Ido have some negative observations.

First of all, the nuts they served with the pre-meal drinkswere nice and warm, but stale and soft. That should never happen. I do have tosay that during the return flight, the nuts were less stale, but still somewhatsoft.

Some of the seat video monitors malfunctioned, and theproblems were beyond the capability of the first-class cabin crew to remedy thesituation. It’s no help when the passengers are elderly and averse to anythingnew. It was actually quite humorous to watch, but I did my best not to giggleor chuckle or stare. See how nice a guy I am?

As for meals, on the outbound trip from Honolulu to LasVegas, I had two choices – chicken curry, or beef with mozzarella. I chose thechicken, a pretty good, and definitely tasty, choice. On the return trip, theyoffered chicken with mushroom gravy, or steak with mashed potatoes, broccoliand gravy. I had the steak. Passable, although definitely well-done.

I may do it again the next time I head off to Las Vegas withVacations Hawaii. Such good deals. Hard to pass up. Plus, the Omni flights arenot bad.

I Got "Obama-nated"

2012-01-03T08:00:00.000-10:00

Sometimes, unplanned delays interrupt our lives just when we least expect them and are cutting it pretty close in getting somewhere by a certain time.

Case in point -- Yesterday, we were headed out to Pearl City for a family dinner at Buzz's Steak House, and were on the H-1 Freeway at Red Hill, when suddenly, everything ground to a complete halt. Every car in every lane headed toward Honolulu Stadium was stopped.

We sat there, and sat there, and sat there. Eventually, I took my foot off the brake put the car in park. Why? Because we figured out what the delay was. President Obama was on his way to Hickam Air Force Base to hop on Air Force One and return to Washington, D.C. Guess his Christmas vacation in Hawaii was over, huh?

I'm presuming his motorcade came over the Koolau Mountains from the windward side on the H-3 Freeway, then swung onto the H-1 and headed toward Hickam. That meant that our westbound H-1 traffic was stopped at Red Hill. And, as it turned out, eastbound traffic also was stopped at the H-1/H-1 Viaduct intersection.

Boy, was it stopped. Once we got moving 15 minutes later, we could see just how jammed the other side of the freeway was. All the way to the Pearl City turnoff. A very long distance. Very long, indeed. People were standing outside their cars, and on their pick-up truck flatbeds peering ahead trying to either (1) catch a glimpse of the President, or (2) figure out exactly what was going on.

I would have yelled out information to them, but we were zipping along at quite a clip. Besides, we were late for the dinner reservation.

Hope the President got home safely this morning.

Obama-nated, indeed!

First Cleanup of the Year

2012-01-02T08:00:00.000-10:00

It’s inevitable. You know all those traditional things youput up to welcome in the New Year? They gotta be disposed of eventually.

According to Japanese Shinto tradition, which many in Hawaiifollow, that means taking down the kodamatsu,the shimekazari, and the kagami mochi.

Is there a special way to do it? Well of course there is.After all, we’re talking tradition, aren’t we?

First, the mochi, or rice-paste balls. There they sit,perhaps a bit moldy-green or black in spots. How do you get rid of those? Byeating them, of course. But you don’t cut them apart. Oh no. You have to breakthem apart with your fingers or maybe a mallet.

See, the Japanese word for “cut” is kiru, and it’s not an auspicious (success contributing) word. Theword hiraki (or biraki) is, however. It means “opening the way” (for good fortune).So, don’t cut it. Rip off the moldy part, and chew on the stale mochi until it’sall gone.

Then, you know those ornamental things (the shimekazari) that you put up at thefront door and (perhaps) room entrances? Take them down and place them into abag. Sprinkle them with salt to “purify,” seal up the bag, and THEN dump it in the trash.

As for your kodamatsu,the bamboo and pine decorations that grace your entrance, don’t throw themaway. They need to be burned after January 15 (preferably the 19^th),to appease the toshigami (the deitiesof the New Year).

So … bash and tear, salt and toss, then burn. There you go. Okay… now you can relax.

New Year Tradition 2

2012-01-01T06:00:00.000-10:00

In the past, I’ve told you the cultural significance of variousfoods served on New Year’s Day in Hawaii, cultural remnants of many residents’Japanese heritage.

Here are a few more:

Konbu maki (kelprolls): These rolls of kelp filled with pork, salmon, chicken, or otherfoodstuffs are tied with strips of kampyo(gourd strips) and represent happiness. Why? Because the Japanese word meaning “tobe happy” is yorokobu, and konbu is sometimes called “kobu.”

Kuri Kinton (sweetpotato paste with chestnuts): Because this dish is golden in color, it remindsus of gold itself, which was made into oval gold coins known as koban. Therefore, the Japanese regard kuri kinton as a dish that heraldsprosperity.

Renkon (lotusroot): When peeled and cut into wheels, the root reveals a pattern of holes,which in Japanese culture represents the ability to see into the future. I lovethe crunchiness of the root when it is cooked in nishime (a vegetable stew).

Tazukuri (sardinefry): Back in the early days of medieval Japan, the fry of sardines (the littlebaby fish) were used as fertilizer for plantings in rice paddies, providingnourishment for the crop. Consequently, tazukurihas come to represent a wish for a rich harvest.

The best part? They’re all delicious!

The Ins and Outs of New Year’s Day

2011-12-31T08:00:00.001-10:00

I don’t know whence these traditions emanated, but they’rekind of humorous. They have to do with who should be the first to enter yourhouse on Jan. 1, and what should never leave the house on New Year’s Day.

The Ins

First, there’s a tradition called “First Footing” that hasto do with who enters your home after the stroke of midnight on Jan. 1. Themost auspicious person should be tall, dark (hair) and handsome. He should comebearing a small gift – a lump of coal, a silver coin, perhaps a sprig of green,maybe some bread. Oh, and he should bring some salt too.

Reject female “first footers.” Reject any blonds, blondes,or redheads. He or she should not be cross-eyed, have flat feet, or eveneyebrows that meet in the middle. The article I read said to do this at allcosts, even aiming a gun at them to chase them off … at least until a mancrosses the threshold.

Don’t let the first footer use a key. He should knock andsomeone should let him in. Once he’s in and distributed his tokens, he shouldpass through the house and exit by another door. And, before he arrives, no oneshould leave the house.

If you want to ensure the right person becomes the firstfooter, have someone already waiting outside the door until the clock strikesmidnight. Then, let him in.

The Outs

Okay, now … on New Year’s Day, no one and nothing(absolutely NOTHING) must leave the house. Got garbage? Leave it inside. Gottadeliver New Year’s gifts? Leave them in the car overnight. Don’t take partyempties out to the recycle bin. Do it the next day.

Stuff coming in is okay. Place it in a basket or box outsidethe door, then on New Year’s Day, pull it in, making sure no part of your bodybreaks the plane of the threshold.

There are those who say it’s okay to remove something fromthe house IF something is brought in first.

And that’s the way it’sgoing to be (or is it?) on Jan. 1, 2012. I kid you not.

Stating the Obvious

2011-12-30T08:00:00.000-10:00

Let's all make a pledge for 2012. Let's resolve never to state the obvious.

I bring this up because of what I've heard two popular female Cooking Channel mavens say during their shows.

It's not that I'm not guilty of doing this sometimes, but at least I try to make an effort not to state the obvious. To wit:

"Little by little, the wet ingredients absorb the dry ingredients." – Giada de Laurentis, Everyday Italian, Cooking Channel ... well, DU-U-UH.

“Flour, when it’s raw, has a bit of a raw flavor.” – GiadaDeLaurentis, Everyday Italian,Cooking Channel ... well, DOUBLE DU-U-UH.

“All I’ve done is brought a pot of boiling water to theboil.” – Ching-He Huang, Easy Chinese SanFrancisco, Cooking Channel ... well, DU-U-UH to the nth degree!

Work on it, will you? Thanks! I appreciate it.

Nap in the Shade

2011-12-29T08:00:00.000-10:00

(This is for all of you who are freezing your bunny toes off during the cold, cold winter months.)

A few weeks ago, the wife and I were walking at Magic Island and I came across this beautiful tree just brimming with light-pink flowers. It kind of reminded me of TV cook Paul Deen's head. I'm just saying.

When I framed it in my camera, I happened to notice that over there in the shade to the right, someone was taking a nap. He'd found the perfect spot -- the shadow was going to be there for a while as the sun was moving, off to the left, toward those buildings in the distance.

Gotta say, I was tempted to join him there, but to tell the truth, I don't like to lie on the grass unless I have a blanket to lie on.

My loss.

(But one never knows what's on the ground under a tree, right?)

New Year Tradition 1

2011-12-28T08:00:00.000-10:00

Japanese "Shimakazari"

While you’ve still got time, clean the house. Clean it well. Mow the lawn and trim the shrubs andother plants. Finally, settle any unfinished business.

Once that’s done, put up a Shimekazari – a Japanese straw ornament that will ward off evilspirits when mounted on your door (and if you’re particularly superstitious, onyour cars).

Shimekazari are made ofbraided rice straw rope and other good-luck items, such as oranges ortangerines.

It should go up by December 28; that’s today, so if you don’thave yours up yet, you’d better hurry. You can remove it on Saturday, January7, 2012.

Accident Insurance

2011-12-27T08:00:00.000-10:00

I spotted this biker andhis interesting license plate recently while driving on Tropicana Boulevard inLas Vegas. Just in case you can't read it, it says: "Insured by MAFIA. YouHit Me, We Hit You." And, there are three bullet holes as well.

The message is prettyclear: “You leave me alone, and I’ll leave you alone. I have friends, and theyhave guns.”

The rider was so confidentthat he kept his suit on and left his helmet off. The only concession he madeto cycling were his white socks and running shoes.

I kept my distance; betlots of others did too.

Me and My Million Bucks

2011-12-26T08:00:00.000-10:00

Tah-Daaaah!

Yah, yah, I know. It's not really mine. But for a few seconds, I could pretend it was.

For years I've passed Binion's Gambling Hall and Casino in downtown Las Vegas and seen their poster offering a personal picture with $1 million in cash. But I've never taken advantage of it, cynically thinking there must be some kind of catch to their offer.

This last trip, I said what the hell and had them take my picture. No catch, except that instead of giving it to you right away, they make you wait a half hour. And that of course means you either have to go out and return, or spend a half hour playing the slots in Binion's.

It was at the start of my little Fremont Street adventure, so I just went across Fremont to the Golden Gate and had breakfast at Dupar's, returning afterwards to claim my photo.

I have to say that the quality of the picture was top shelf. I'm glad I finally succumbed to the experience, and it makes for a good conversation piece. You should do it if you're ever in Las Vegas.

Binion's Gambling Hall, 128 E. Fremont St., Las Vegas 89101, (800) 937-6537 or (702) 382-1600.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T06:00:00.000-10:00

Was Santa Claus good to you this year? Was your stocking filled with goodies and joy and delightful things?

Today, I'm not going to bore you with facts, or make your ears tingle with curmudgeony grumbles. Today I'm not going to take you to faraway places, or talk about things I've seen.

Well ... that's not completely true.

Today, I'm just going to show you some pictures I took of the winter display at the Bellagio Hotel's Conservatory in Las Vegas. So just relax and enjoy some delights of the Christmas season.

Floral Holiday Card created with 3,000 cut florals

Entering the Bellagio Conservatory

42-ft. high, 22-ft. diameter Christmas tree -
13,500 LED lights and 1,800 ornaments

Papa Bear (18,000 white carnations)

Winter penguin display

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas Time is Here!

2011-12-24T06:00:00.000-10:00

Christmas Sugar Cookies!

2011-12-23T06:00:00.000-10:00

Last night, I got to eat some homemade Christmas sugar cookies for the first time since ... well, since this time last year.

When we were kids, Mom used to make these all the time - shaped like Christmas trees, ornaments, angels and Santas mostly, and there were even some oddly shaped ones that we kids used to create free form.

They were so good. Nice and crunchy, with a sugar frosting that simply melted in the mouth and performed delightful dances upon the tongue, without any thought about how our dental health was in peril. I mean, who cared?

My sister Karen had some at the family pot-luck buffet at her house last night. Good God, they were as wonderful as the ones I had when I was a child. See, nobody in my immediate family bakes, so poor me, my Christmas dessert plate and afternoon snack packages have been bereft of these for years, yea decades.

But not last night. Last night, I got to munch on some. Ahhhhh, pure bliss.

I don't get to act silly very often, so in preparation for last night, I eschewed the razor for a couple of weeks, and showed up with a little beard.

Trimmed a bit, of course, to tame the neck shag. I'm going to keep it going until after Christmas, so that when my grandson Joey comes to visit, he can have his picture taken with his silly uncle who thinks he's Santa Claus.

I also mounted a red Christmas tree ornament on my cap, just for fun. The wife thought I looked dipsy, and frankly, that's the look I was going for. The intention, of course, was to give those at the gathering something to point to, laugh at, and talk about. All I was doing was creating some small memories for people I truly care about.

The plan is to shave off my beard after (or maybe a day before) my grandson flies back to San Jose with his parents.

Now, I'm sure there are those among you who really don't care about Christmas sugar cookies, or a silly white-bearded guy wearing an ornament on top of his cap. So for you people, I offer a picture of the buffet table with its serving plattersful of yummy food - Hawaii style.

Enjoy your family dinners during this holiday season!

Christmas Car Rental: Where Hawaii Ranks 8

2011-12-22T10:42:00.001-10:00

You say you’re all packed and ready to spend your Christmasholiday in Hawaii? Great!

You say you got your airline tickets far in advance for youand your family? Great!

You say you’ll be doing your Christmas shopping here so youwon’t have the hassle of trying to get presents through airport security?Great!

Did you reserve your rental car far in advance? No? Uh oh.

Then I need to tell you to bring extra money. You see,Honolulu’s average Christmas-time car rental rates this year are the highest inthe nation, ‘way ahead of Miami, which placed second in a study byCheapCarRental.net.

The average daily rate for a car rented at HonoluluInternational Airport from Dec. 23 to 28 is $147. That’s a 194% increase overJanuary of this year, when the average daily rate was $50.

Yikes!

Here’s how the top 5 in the nation play out this year:

1. HONOLULU ($147 a day)

2. Miami ($111)

3. New York ($99)

4. Boston ($70)

5. New Orleans ($60)

The supply is dwindling too, as most companies have rentedall of their cars already. It’s worse on the neighbor islands; there aren’t anycars available.

I kid you not!

The solution? Walk, catch a bus, or catch a cab. Sorry, that’sjust the way it is this year.

The Once-Final Table

2011-12-21T08:00:00.000-10:00

Benny Binion is remembered in Las Vegas as the guy who made the World Series of Poker famous, and although the tournament is no longer held at Binion's Gambling Hall in downtown Las Vegas, one can still see the famous final table.

At least I think it's the famous final table.

When I entered Binion's from the back entrance, I had to go through the poker tournament room, thereby passing the elevated final table with participant chairs neatly stacked in one corner of the dais. Nothing fancy, no special chairs, just the kind of furniture one would find anywhere.

But there's a kind of aura that surrounds the final table, if indeed that's what it was. It's the one where famous poker players from all over the world face each other down with millions of dollars at stake. It's enough to make one break out in goose bumps.

I broke out in goose bumps. Actually, though, it was because it was COLD outside.

The Other Side of the Mot

2011-12-20T08:00:00.000-10:00

I love comic strips. They make you look closely at things we normally take for granted - like mots (those pithy sayings that sound so wise).

This comic made me look at the "The early bird gets the worm" aphorism from the worm's point of view, and made me think.

How 'bout you? Does it give you pause?

Pretty Good Vegas Deal

2011-12-19T08:00:00.000-10:00

I scored a pretty good deal on my recent trip to Las Vegas,one that resulted in substantial savings.

It’s a good thing I went to the Vacations Hawaii office tomake my reservation. The night before, I’d tried to book one of their Vegaspackages online, but the website told me either to call or to come on down.Since I had planned to be at Ala Moana Center for a haircut anyway, I couldcontemplate whether I really wanted to go on the trip … as I sat captive in thebarber’s chair.

See, booking through Vacations Hawaii can save you money …the packages includes round-trip airfare for a direct HNL-LAS flight on OmniInternational Airlines with onboard meals, transportation and baggage handlingto and from the hotel, five nights at one of the Boyd hotels, and three meals aday.

For an extra $500, I could upgrade to first-class seats – inand of itself not bad; usually one pays that much each way. Plus through theend of the year, there are no baggage fees.

So, I decided to go. If I’d booked it all myself, I wouldhave had to spend at least double what it would have cost me to book withVacations Hawaii, even with a first-class upgrade.

The nice young lady at the counter suggested I move my tripup by 10 days because there was a sale going on, and my savings would be anadditional $300 (almost covering the first-class seat upgrade). I’m no fool. Ijump at chances like that.

Of course, I didn’t stay in a top-tier hotel on the Strip. Ihad my choice of the California, the Fremont, the Orleans, or Main StreetStation. I stayed at the California, which is a block from Fremont Street,where all the action is. The restaurants at the California are good; I alsocould walk across to the Main Street Station in their enclosed walkway and keepout of the cold. The Main Street’s restaurants are not bad either.

It was fun. I hadn’t stayed downtown in at least threeyears, and I got a chance to re-explore the area.

Now let’s see … when will I go back? We’ll just have to see about that.

Shiro's Philosophical Saimin

2011-12-18T08:00:00.000-10:00

Shiro Matsuo is quite a guy, probably the most famous local saimin proprietor in the history of the state of Hawaii.

Not only does he serve dozens of varieties of the famous noodle soup, he's a poet. Shiro is not a poet laureate, and he certainly has trouble with syntax, meter and rhyme. But behind those words (some of which I'm sure he's made up) lies some deep philosophy.

Take for example, the poem on the left: Dear Hearts, I like a guy who can take it as well as dish it out. / I can't stand a guy who will only poute. / A guy who can't take it, should shut his moute. / Thank you kindly, / This is what it's all about.

See what I mean? Nothing fancy, just his own particular point of view, one I'm sure most of us have thought about at one time or another when we listen to complainers.

It's just something to think about when you're having your bowl of saimin in his shop, surrounded by his framed poetry (he's even got them all in a book that you can pick up at the register for about ten bucks).

And, he doesn't miss a chance, or pause a second to promote his business, or saimin:

Dear Hearts,

Saimin, Saimin,

Anyttime is Saimin Time

Be It Breakfast, Lunch Or Dinner

Or A Snack After Dinner

Its Proven A Winner

At Shiro's "Mistah Saimin Haven"

Yep, his punctuation is lousy, and he should have used "It's" instead of "Its." But you know what? I'll give him a pass on this. It just adds to the charm of his work.

Now, if you've read the ID caption below his photo in the first picture in upper right, you'll see that it was taken in 1942 when he was a 21-year-old buck private in the U.S. Army. He was paid $21 a month and claims the title of Latrine orderly "Champ" (self-proclaimed, of course, due to lack of competition).

Not bad for a young man from Hawaii who weighed 110 pounds "bare ass," and stood 5-4½ in his bare feet.

Go eat some saimin, Shiro's Saimin Haven is at 98-020 Kamehameha Highway in Aiea, phone (808) 488-8824.

Taking Christmas Off the Shelf

2011-12-17T08:00:00.000-10:00

I was a little late doing it this year, but last night, Ifinally took my three must-see Christmas DVDs down from the shelf and watchedthem.

It's become tradition with me, as you probably hear me sayevery year. Somehow, they seem to awaken the Christmas Spirit hidden deepinside.

My annual transformation always begins with MannheimSteamroller's 1977 "Christmas Live" concert performed in Omaha,Nebraska.

Their beautiful music mixes traditional instrument and style withelectric instruments and large-screen video presented before a live audience.The music is deep, rich and full, and always perfectly synchronized.

Immediately after, I watch the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's"The Ghosts of Christmas Eve,” featuring the soul-stirring, hard-electricguitars that present a story of a young girl yearning to be back home onChristmas Eve.

Performances by Michael Crawford, Jewel, Allie Sheridan as thegirl, and Ossie Davis as the theater caretaker always bring a lump in mythroat.

Finally, I watch SantaClaus: The Movie, released in 1985 and starring David Huddleston as thekindly old toy carver who is destined to bring joy to all the children of theworld, Dudley Moore as his right-hand elf, John Lithgow as the mean toy companytycoon, and Burgess Meredith in a cameo as The Ancient Elf.

Santa Claus: The Movietells us in its first half how the Santa legend came to be, and when Santa andhis reindeer fly for the first time ever, I always find myself wiping the tearsfrom my eyes.

Ah, the magic of Christmas!

Why did I wait so long this year? Can't really say for sure,but if I had to venture a guess, maybe it's because I'm more into the seasonthis year. After all, I didn't grumble as much this year about getting anddecorating a tree, did I?

Maybe I'm growing up again.

No Grillin’ Tonight

2011-12-16T08:00:00.000-10:00

At the Fry’s Electronics parking lot in Las Vegas, next to Town Square, one can find everysort of car imaginable. It matters not what a person’s social or financialstatus is, everybody is into electronics these days.

They even sell cooking appliances there.

But I bet whoever owns this car didn’t go there to buy agrill. Not an automobile grill anyway. Unless someone sold him a bill of goodsor maybe misunderstood what he was actually looking for.

At any rate, I bet he didn’t do any grilling that night.Which would have been the sensible thing to do; the Las Vegas temperaturesdipped into the low 30s when I was there and took this picture.

Top 10 Future Best Jobs

2011-12-15T08:00:00.000-10:00

Finding interesting reading material in a doctor's waiting room can be frustrating. When I take the wife to the neurologist's office, the only things available to read are brain and mental health magazines (mine are fine, so I don't have to read about them).

More likely than not, the magazines are at least a year old. Actually, sometimes that's not always a bad thing, especially when the magazines aren't timely in nature, with information that's rather ageless.

A long time ago, I used to subscribe to Popular Science and Popular Mechanics. I don't any longer, so it's a treat to read them in the doctor's office.

Recently, I came across an article in Popular Science listing their selections for the 10 best jobs in the future. Veddy interest-making indeed (to paraphrase Arte Johnson in Laugh-In). Here they are, in no particular order:

Human/Robot Interaction Specialist (helping robots and people get along)
Space Pilot (flying shuttles into space)
Organ Designer (making human organs from scratch)
Animal-Migration Engineer
Fetus Healer (curing health problems before birth)
Forcaster of Everything (analyzing data to predict the future)
Fusion Worker (managing fusion reactors)
World Watcher (keeping track via satellites)
Galactic Architect (building cosmic outposts)
Thought Hacker (reading thoughts)

Feel like going back to school now?

Occupy Shmoccupy

2011-12-14T08:00:00.001-10:00

It's pretty pathetic. Occupy Honolulu, an offshoot of the Occupy Wall Street and Occupy International movement, has set up "homeless-style" tents in Thomas Square, at the corner of Beretania Street and Ward Avenue.

The City of Honolulu has refused to let them remain in the park after 10 p.m., and they're trying to get petitions that would allow them to stay.

They stress that they are the 99% who are taking the stand against the 1%. I doubt that very much. I try not to be a political person, I try to remain impassionate and present a non-biased point of view.

But you know what? They certainly do not represent the 99%; if they did, they would have the other 98% on their side and wouldn't have to ask for monetary donations to sustain the movement.

I think they are the 1% who are taking the stand against the 99%.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Palazzo Atrium Winter Display

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-10:00

The last time I showed you the atrium display at the Palazzo Hotel on the Las Vegas Strip, it was their fall extravaganza. The other day, I went again, because I knew they would have changed it.

And yes, they did. They put up a gorgeous winter display to show off their waterfall and reflecting pool.

I could stand before you and describe it until your ears start humming and your eyes fall out of their sockets from boredom, but I won’t.

I’ll just show you some pictures. Wouldn’t that be better?

Nice, yah? Can't wait to see what they do for the New Year. I plan to be back.

Mini Museum Crawl

2011-12-12T06:00:00.000-10:00

Every time I think I’ve seen everything there is to see in Las Vegas, something pops up that’s been there for quite some time and yet has escaped my notice.

When I was flying over from Honolulu, a page in the inflight magazine caught my attention. They were talking about how the Nevada State Museum had moved in October into the Springs Preserve area of Las Vegas. Hey! I didn’t know that … I thought they were still in their old location.

Naturally, I planned a trip there. Unfortunately, my planning was a bit on the “hurry up” side of things and all I wrote on a piece of paper with the new address was: Take Valley View to Bonanza Road, turn right, then head toward Twin Lakes, turn left on Twin Lakes and it’s right there.

Hah! Easier said than done. As I was heading out, I saw Bonanza Road ahead of me, and figuring it was shorter to just turn right on Bonanza and find Twin Lakes, that’s what I did. Only I made a major boo-boo. I was on East Bonanza and had to get on West Bonanza. I drove and drove and drove and drove. Then I drove some more until Bonanza ended near some humongous church.

All I can say is thank God for the GPS on my smart phone. I turned it on (as I should have done in the first place) programmed in the address, and let the nice lady voice tell me how to get there. I was so ‘way off that it took me a half-hour to find the museum (it’s right next to The Meadows Mall, in case you think you’d like to find it yourself).

Serendipity! Not only is the Nevada State Museum there, the whole area is called Springs Preserve and there are a couple of museums and activity centers there. Admission to everything is less than $20 (senior price), and I swear a family can spend the entire day there.

Me? I had other places to go to, so I just did the Origen Museum (which had an interesting exhibit on animal poop, the whole scoop, and life in the desert (humans, reptiles and mammals) and the State Museum with its huge mammoth fossil skeleton that begins a timeline that slowly brings you up to the era of neon and glitter.

I’ll do longer posts on the museums at another time, but for now, I thought you’d like to see a couple of shots from each:

Entrance to Origen Museum

Origen Craft Area

The Nevada State Museum

Prehistoric Fossils on display

The Fremont Experience

2011-12-11T07:15:00.000-10:00

Since I'm staying in downtown Las Vegas this trip, most of my meals will be in and around Fremont Street, which is now called The Fremont Experience, what with the overhead light show, a zip line ride, and the generally festive atmosphere.

Christmas time is particularly jolly on Fremont, tourists from all over the world are having fun, many of whom have had too much to drink. In that sense, it kind of reminds one of Bourbon Street in New Orleans ... nah, I take that back. Bourbon Street is dingy and dark, Fremont is brightly lit and the casinos echo the loud live music emanating from various stages.

There's a live Santa sitting next to a humongous Christmas tree, talking to kids on his knee, and women too - they wait in line to sit on his knee ... this IS Las Vegas, after all.

The Fremont Experience (well a small part of it, anyway)

On Friday night, I had dinner at Don B's Steakhouse, 2nd floor in the Fitzgerald Casino. The food wasn't bad ... but the expensive lobster tail was a bit too small. Be that as it may, I enjoyed it.

What I enjoyed more was the sight that greeted me when I finished my dinner and left the casino. There on Fremont were a couple of hundred men and women dressed up like Santa and his helpers, elves, and even a Christmas tree. Since my Sony Cyber-shot also has a movie camera feature, I turned it on and wandered about, panning, zooming, filming.

It's amazing how cooperative the Santas were. I asked one particularly good-looking cute young lady what this was all about and she told me it's a traditional thing ... a mob pub crawl, kind of like a flash mob, but more holiday-ish, and why don't I get a suit and join in. Er ... maybe some other time.

I call this a Kris Mingle (like "Kringle" ... get it?)

Hmmm, I wonder if they're going to do it again tonight?

Christmas Gift Fair for Cowpokes

2011-12-10T08:00:00.000-10:00

Looks like a Levi's convention to me

I had planned to attend this today; I just hadn’t planned to do it so early.

As you may recall, I didn’t get a chance to see the cowboys in action at the Wrangler Championship Rodeo – at the University of Nevada Las Vegas’ Thomas and Mack Arena – yesterday because I was unwilling to buy a mad-dash ticket.

And that’s why I hit the Cowboy Christmas Gift Fair early. And as luck may have it, the Fates stepped in. Almost as soon as I entered the Las Vegas Convention Center parking lot, somebody pulled out only two row s from the crosswalk, and one space from the end. Yeehaw!

Jeeze Louise … every cowboy and cowboy wanna-be, every cowgirl and cowgirl wanna-be, every significant other and all their kids were jamming into the hall. I saw more blue jeans than a Levis convention, I saw more cowboy hats than a Western movie, and I heard more country-western music than I ever have in my life.

You know what whopped my jaws? The young girls. They were getting silly over who was scheduled to give autographs. I mean, I never heard of these people. They may be stars, but not to me. And whenever a new song came blaring out over the speakers, those young girls were singing away at the top of their lungs.

It kind of reminded me of when I went to the movie, Grease, and sat behind some junior high girls. It was eerie. When the characters started singing on-screen, there was this faint background singing in the theater … the young girls. That’s kind of what it was like in the big hall.

Talk about western stuff. There were hats, boots, belts, saddles, horse statues, Indian garb, knives, rifles, tee-shirts, socks, hankies, fur jackets for men, fur jackets for women, fur jackets for their kids, leather steering wheel covers, hardware belts, fishing rods and reels, lures and creels, salsa by the jar, longhorn heads, bison heads, wolf fur, stuffed birds, stuffed wildcats, teepees, beef jerky, sheep jerky, what looked like mule jerky, snakeskin holsters, lariats, bullwhips, spurs going jingle-jangle-jingle, ladies with big hair and kerchiefs, girls with big hair and kerchiefs … ah lordie, it was a cowboy paradise.

I almost expected Roy Rogers and Gene Autry to materialize out of thin air whenever I turned a corner. And if you don’t know who they are, then … then … get out of my face, ya young whipper-snapper.

Gotta say, I felt a little out of it – didn’t know anything or anybody cowboy or country-western related. But as Burt Reynolds told Sally Field in Smokey and the Bandit, I guess how stupid you are depends on what part of the country you’re from.

I can take some solace from that wise observation. It ain’t my fault that I felt stupid.

How ‘bout a few pictures of some cowboy-related stuff:

American Indian stuff, plus stuffed stuff

Bison and Texas Longhorn heads

Looks like wolf fur to me

Cowboy hats on a rack and in stacks

Yeehaw Day Was Not To Be

2011-12-09T15:33:00.001-10:00

When I stepped off the plane last night at McCarren International Airport, I already had plans for today. An article in the inflight magazine noted that the rodeo was back in town. They were in Las Vegas the last time I was here back in October, but I didn't have time to go.

The last time I was at a real rootin' tootin' rodeo was back in the late '60s when a bunch of us college kids went to one at the Rose Bowl. All I remember about that one was that the participants looked not so big ... we were pretty high up. There was one moment of excitement when one of the ancilliary performers was doing stunts and fell pretty hard. They had to carry him off.

As soon as I could, I drove over to the University of Las Vegas' Thomas & Mack Center to see if I could get in. They'd been here since the start of the week and were winding it up tonight and tomorrow.

First problem - parking. I had to walk about a quarter mile across a vast and empty parking lot to get to the ticket office. Then the bad news. They were sold out for the rest of the event.

I could, however, buy a "mad dash" ticket that would enable me to stand around and make a mad dash to an empty seat if there was no one there. The problem of course is the real occupants might arrive and kick me out. But the bigger problem was that there going to be a lot of mad dashers trying to block me out of a seat. Kind of like musical chairs on cowboy steroids.

So I said gosh darn it, ma'am in my best cowboy polite talk, tipped my hat and thank you kindly but that's not my style.

Know what I did then? I did the next best thing and joined all the other cowboys in town at the Cowboy Christmas Fair, raht thar, smacky dab in the new-fangled Las Vegas Convention Center thangie on Paradise Road.

I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

Le-e-e-eaving on a Jet Plane

2011-12-08T08:00:00.000-10:00

Heading out to Sin City this afternoon - Las Vegas, that is.

I'll be there through Tuesday night, Dec. 13, so my Wandering blog posts will be a bit spotty (obviously that means I'm taking my laptop with me this time).

Hey, I know I was there in late October, but what the heck, I found a good deal with Vacations Hawaii (with first-class airfare and no baggage fees, including a room and meals at the California Hotel).

Therefore ... Las Vegas, here I come. Cya there.

Only One Thing, She Promised

2011-12-07T08:00:00.000-10:00

Yesterday was one of those "I gotta pick up prescription meds at Costco" days, and as usual, my plan was to drive there, run in and pick up the prescription order I'd called in the day before.

Zip there, zip in, zip out, zip home.

Stupid me, I made the mistake of telling the wife what I was planning to do. She glommed onto me like a flea on a dog and before I knew it, we were both in the car headed to Costco. The new plan was for her to drop me off, find parking, and come find me.

Our conversation just as we got there:

Wife: I need to get one thing, only one thing, for dinner.
Me (naively): Okies, I'll get a wagon and you can find me.
Wife: Right (grinning evily).
Me (ten minutes later): . o ( Got the meds, I'll go wait in the DVD/Blu-Ray aisle. )
Wife: I'm here. Let's go get dinner. But first, let's get a couple of cases of Sunny-D.
Me (loading the cart): Okay.
Wife: Maybe I should get some crispy one ton chips to take to the neighbors for Christmas.
Me (loading the cart): Okay.
Wife: There are only two ribs packs there.
Me: They're fine. I'll get one.
Wife: Okay. How about those stuffed portabello mushrooms?
Me: (loading the cart): Okay.
Wife: I'll get a couple of flank steaks for dinner another time.
Me: (loading the cart): Okay.
Wife: Go pay for this, I need to go outside and buy a chicken wrap for mom.
Me: Okay.

The upshot? We spent $140. More than "just one thing for dinner." That would have been the spare ribs for $18.

See?

More than 'Just One Thing for Dinner'

The moral of the story? There ain't no such thing as "Only one more thing." When will I ever learn?

Well, It's About Time

2011-12-06T08:00:00.000-10:00

On Tuesday, Nov. 22, I bought a new computer at Best Buy (Dell Inspiron All-in-One with a 23-inch touchscreen, 4 GB memory, and 500 GB hard disk) - plenty big and fast enough for what I do.

I also paid for their Geek Squad set-up and restore service, so I could at least cut down on some installation work. The software included Word Office, and Trend Titanium Anti-Virus. They asked for my mobile phone number and said they'd call me when it was ready.

I am here to tell you that I waited, and waited, and waited. Finally yesterday morning, I got a message on my phone saying the computer was ready for pickup, and that in fact, it had been ready for some time. That bothered me more than just a little, so I told the nice girl at the pick-up desk (a geek expert, I presume) that if I were called when it WAS ready, I could have had it up and running by now and could have been playing with it all this time.

She did apologize profusely, and agreed that the two-week wait was very inconvenient and unacceptable, and certainly atypical. And she promised to make an issue of it with the person or persons responsible. Fine and dandy, but I was tempted to demand some kind of remuneration - a discount or gift card, perhaps.

But I didn't, because I'm such a nice guy, and in the general scheme of things, I have my new computer.

Where Hawaii Ranks 7

2011-12-05T08:00:00.000-10:00

Are we at the top of a good list? Or are we at the top of abad list. No matter. It’s just interesting to find out where Hawaii or Honolulurank in the general and specific scheme of things.

Average Monthly Rent(U.S. Census Bureau, 2010)

1. HAWAII ($1,291)

2. District of Columbia ($1,198)

3. California ($1,163)

4. Maryland ($1,131)

5. New Jersey ($1,114)

GrandparentsResponsible for Grandkids (U.S. Census Bureau 2010)

1. HAWAII (23.0%)

2. New Jersey (26.5%)

3. California (27.1%)

4. Massachusetts (27.7%)

5. New York (30.2%)

Lowest 2011 Second Quarter PersonalIncome Growth (Bureau of Economic Analysis, 2011)

1. Washington (0.7%)

2. Georgia (0.7%)

3. HAWAII (0.9%)

4. New York (0.9%)

5. Delaware (0.9%)

Happiest States(Gallup-Healthways, 2011)

1. HAWAII (71 out of 100 points)

2. Wyoming (69.2)

3. North Dakota (68.4)

4. Alaska (68.3)

5. Colorado and Minnesota (68.0)

Best U.S. Beach(Dr. Beach, 2011)

1. Siesta Beach (Sarasota, FL)

2. Coronado Beach (San Diego, CA)

3. KAHANAMOKU BEACH (WAIKIKI, HONOLULU, HI)

4. Main Beach (East Hampton, NY)

5. Cape Hatteras (Outer Banks, NC)

O Tannenbaum Update

2011-12-04T08:00:00.000-10:00

You may be happy (or like me, relieved) to learn that the wife found the two boxes of Christmas ornaments that she'd stored away so well last year and that I reported lost forever a couple of days ago. Turns out they were hiding behind a huge bag of stuff in the garage storage room.

Of course, we'd already purchased some new bulbs and stuff, so I imposed my will and declared that it didn't matter if we found the old stuff, we were going to use the new stuff and dispose of the old. Y'know, make the much-needed change.

Except for the old skirt - we kept that. And the Santa tree topper - we kept that also. And, of course, we're keeping the gift ornaments as well.

We didn't have enough lights, however, but instead of attaching last year's strings to this year's new LED light strings, I'm going to trash the old ones.

The wife volunteered to go back to the store and get more, however. See, I had let her talk me into buying only 100 lights, Against my better judgement. I should have known better, she has no concept of measurement (time, volume, length, etc.). So she went back for more.

She also likes the star topper. It changes color, and frankly, it looks pretty good. We'll keep Mr. Antique Santa in his box this year, at least for now. I have other plans for him.

So ... we're all set for this year. Now all I have to do is wrap up the presents and we're all ready. Congratulate me, I made it through another furshluginer raising of the tannenbaum.

Flat Rat

2011-12-03T08:00:00.001-10:00

I've heard that some animals can squeeze through some mighty narrow openings - an octopus, for example, or even a cockroach.

Felt sorry for this rat, however. It looks as though it wanted to squeeze between a car tire and the asphalt. Obviously, its attempt didn't work.

In the parking tot of the State of Hawaii's Kekuanao'a (Territorial State Office) Building yesterday, I saw a whole bunch of flies buzzing around this flat thing on the ground. On closer look, I could make out only three things: a tail, two feet, and a whole lotta fur.

Yep, a dead rat. A FLAT rat.

I was tempted to pick it up by the tail and have the wife take a picture of me displaying the dead rat like a proud fisherman, but decided not to. The flies might object to that, and I've seen enough demon movies to know that flies can be a nasy thing.

Where’s Waldo?

2011-12-02T08:00:00.000-10:00

Lemme change that. This has nothing to do with Waldo. It’seven more puzzling than Waldo, with even more exhausting results.

See, the wife went and bought a Christmas tree on Wednesday,even though I told her I’d go with her on Thursday (yesterday). You know how itis when you have an itch to do something? No one or nothing is going to standin your way. That’s how she felt yesterday. And, knowing how I really want toget an artificial tree, she decided (I think) to trump me and get a real oneright away.

Fine and dandy. I told her I’d put it up yesterday and getthe ball rolling. She said great, she’d go dig out the Christmas ornaments andsuch.

Well, I was ready around noon time and told her to go getthe tree stand, I’d wait.

About a half hour later (a half hour!), she came to tell meshe couldn’t find the stand or any of the ornament boxes. So I helped her look.We opened every closet and cupboard, looked in every nook and cranny, under thebeds, in the drawers … a lot of where we looked didn’t make sense because thestuff was in two pretty big boxes.

She swears she had them “right there” and now they’vedisappeared. Goodness gracious.

But y’know, in the general scheme of things, it was no bigdeal, at least not anything worth crying over (except for some specialornaments we’d collected over the years that were given to us by dear friends).Except for the memories, everything could be replaced.

So off we went in the afternoon on a Christmas safari – founda tree stand (better than the one we had), found some coordinated ornaments andgarlands and new LED lights. We got a new tree skirt that looked almost likethe one we brought over from California when we moved back in 1972, we found acute Mickey Mouse stocking for our grandson, and we even found a good deal ongift boxes.

The only thing we had trouble finding was a Christmas treetopper. We’d brought back an old-fashioned fabric Santa that used to sit alllit up on top of our tree since our first son was born. That’s 45 years ago. Ifthere’s any ornament I’ll really miss, it’s that Santa. Oh well, that’s justthe way it goes.

But … as I said, we had trouble finding a suitable treetopper. We went all over the place, and nothing really caught our fancy. Iremember stores used to have lots of them on sale. Not yesterday. We settledfor a star with changing light colors that’s okay … just okay … but notawe-inspiring. I think I’ll go online and see if I can get one, if not thisyear, then for next year.

The big question remaining is where the heck are the missingornaments? This is going to bug the wife for a while, I’m sure. Oh well, that’swhat she gets for not agreeing to get an artificial tree. Heheheh.

My Ding Dong Balls

2011-12-01T08:00:00.000-10:00

My Chinese health balls, that is. Why? What were you thinking of?

A very good friend sent these to me during a Christmas ornament exchange, with hopes, I guess, that they would help me relax, make me happier, and improve my health.

According to a little card included with the balls, their use dates back to the Ming Dynasty (1369-1644), and supposedly, using them can stimulate the various acupuncture points in the hand.

Within the balls are bells that produce quiet, subtle clangs - one high, one slightly lower (hence the "ding dong" in the title above). It's thought this aids physical strength and removes disease such as headaches, high blood pressure, nervousness and arthritis.

I love rolling them around in the hands - clockwise in the right, and counter-clockwise in the left.

See? I feel better already.

Sleepus Dreamus Interruptus

2011-11-30T08:00:00.000-10:00

Here we go (went?) again.

Before we retired to bed last night, I told the wife that I wanted to do a couple of things this morning, including getting a haircut and picking up our prescription meds at Costco.

As usual, she said she wanted to come along with me, after which, could I please drop her and her mom at the beauty shop in the early afternoon, wait for their call, and then pick them up. Please? You know I'm a nice guy ... I said okay.

This morning, she got out of bed around 7:30 and pronounced her hunger. I slowly opened my eyes and muttered, "Okay," and promptly fell back to sleep.

About an hour later, she came into the room, kicked the bed, and said, "Aren't you going to take me to breakfast?" I guess I was, wasn't I? So I got out of bed and did my morning thing, and was sitting at the steering wheel in no time.

See? I'm a nice guy. But I did have one thing to tell her ... why didn't she tell me she wanted to go out to breakfast when she woke me up the first time? See, while I was in my early morning slumber, I dreamed of making myself a lovely omelet, and had my mouth and tummy set on it.

Sometimes I feel as though I need to give her a class in "Advising Craig 101."

Coining a Phrase

2011-11-29T08:00:00.000-10:00

Some nice person left me a coin the other day, placing it onmy windshield wiper when I went grocery shopping at Manoa Marketplace.

“Where will you spend eternity?” the coin asked me,referring me to the Bible passage John 3:16: For God so loved theworld that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall notperish but have eternal life.

It reminded me of the rainbow shaved-ice hair guy who usedto pop up in the background of sports events, particularly football games,holding up a sign with “John 3:16” on it.

The coin was made of aluminum so I did the right thing aftertaking its picture. I put it in the recycling bin because I’m a responsiblecitizen who wants to conserve the natural resources provided for us by ourMaker.

Waiter! There's a Hair ...

2011-11-28T08:00:00.000-10:00

So you went to a fancy dancy restaurant and found a hair in your food.
Is that bad? Of course it is. But is it unhealthy? Well, maybe not. At least the U.S. Food and Drug Administration doesn't think so.

They haven't found any evidence of people getting sick from eating hair that's found its way into their food. In fact, they don't even have any guidelines in its Food Code.

Hair is mostly keratin, which is chemically inactive. Diarrhea-causing bacteria are very unlikely to cling to it and enter your system. You'll need to eat a whole headful of hair to be affected by it. You know, like your cat's hairballs ("trichobezoars").

And did you know that food manufacturers use an amino acid found in keratin - L-cysteine - to stabilize dough and stimulate your taste buds? Sure, you knew that, didn't you? They usually get it from duck feathers, but sometimes they get it from human hair.

So relax! Next time you find a hair in your food, just remember that according to the FDA, it's okay to have up to two maggots per can of tomatoes, and 30 or more insect parts in three tablespoons of peanut butter.

I kid you not.

Ewwwwww! Waiter! Waiter!

USC 50, UCLA 0

2011-11-27T08:00:00.000-10:00

Oh how sweet it is. The USC Trojans put a major whomping on the UCLA Bruins last night in the biggest football game of the year. If this year's regular season crosstown Los Angeles rivalry proved anything, it was that USC is the real deal, and UCLA is not.

USC demolished UCLA 50-0, the Trojans' fifth straight win, and the largest margin of victory in the series since 1930. That's 81 years ago.

The USC offense rushed for 149 yards (15 more than UCLA) and passed for 424 yards (164 more than UCLA). Running back Curtis McNeal ripped off a 73-yard scamper to score USC's second TD, which followed the Trojans' opening drive that ended with USC scoring the game's first TD in only four plays.

Sophomore Robert Woods caught 12 passes for 113 yards and 2 touchdowns (just another of his stellar performances), and freshman Marqise Lee caught 13 for 224 yards and 2 touchdowns (just another of HIS stellar performances).

Which brings us to junior quarterback Matt Barkley, whose numbers certainly boosted his chances to be invited to the Dec. 10 Heisman Trophy presentation ceremonies in New York. Barkley tossed six touchdown passes against a feeble UCLA secondary, tieing his school record. He's completed 39 touchdown passes this season, a Pac-12 Conference single-season record.

Barkley's statistics in the game: He completed 35 of 42 passes (a school record) for 423 yards, six touchdowns and no interceptions. His last completion of the game was to his cousin, Robbie Boyer, a walk-on catching his first pass of the year. How sweet was that? The USC sideline erupted in cheers of delight!

UCLA came close to scoring at least three times, but was denied by the Trojans' magnificent defense.

And so a demoralized UCLA will go to the Pac-12 championship game on Friday night against the Oregon Ducks, north division champs. USC can't represent the south, although the Trojans had the best record (7-2 in the conference), because of the NCAA "no-bowl for three years" sanctions.

Last night's game was our final game of the season, and we Trojan fans are happy with the results. The most important game to win is the UCLA game. As long as we beat Notre Dame and UCLA, we can consider it a good season.

Matt Barkley came off the field to a thunderous ovation, and the overwhelmingly loud chant of "One more year!" ... the fans hoping he chooses to finish his senior year at USC and take the school forth in its quest for a national championship. Because ... it's likely he may leave for the NFL.

Wouldn't UCLA hate it if he stayed? You betcha!

Fight on!

Shake Shake Shake!

2011-11-26T08:00:00.000-10:00

There ain't nothing like a wet dog to douse you with water. Ol' Fido, when he's a shakin' and a shimmyin', can get you as wet as a spray from your garden hose. I'm sure most of us have experienced that thrill at one time or another.

That inborn technique is rather efficient too. A professor at the Georgia Institute of Technology actually studies canine (and other mammalian) tecniques for drying off. He's trying to come up with a mechanical means that does as good a job as the animals.

He's found that a washing machine's spin cycle has to go at it constantly for 10 minutes before it can remove an equivalent amount of water as a shaking dog does in a few seconds.

Doggies twist their spines about 30 degrees with each shake, but their loose skin turns that into 100 degrees in each direction. Centripetal force overcomes the water's surface tension, breaking it away from the fur.

So someday, when you buy a washing machine and put it to work for the first time, don't be surprised if it starts jerking around in a snapping motions. You can thank assistant professor David Hu for that.

Mr. Monk

2011-11-25T08:00:00.000-10:00

I never really watched the television series Monk when it was showing on USA Network …bumped into it a couple of times while I was channel surfing, but never stoppedto watch an entire episode.

However, thanks to author Lee Goldberg and his Mr. Monk series of novels based on theTony Shalhoub character, I’m now hooked on the blasted thing.

I’d read a numberof Goldberg’s books, and the one that got me started on the Monk kick was Mr. Monk in Trouble. Since then, I’ve bought the season 1 DVD andam now DVR-ing all the Monk episodesI can find on cable (and there are a lot).

Adrian Monk is a basket case – he has 312 phobias, rangingfrom milk to dirt, from closed spaces to snakes. And, to top it all off, he hasa pretty nasty case of obsessive-compulsive disorder. All of those, taken inand of themselves, make him a pretty pitiful character.

But the thing is, it’s funny. And … he’s a brilliantdetective. And, and … he can’t help but stumble onto mysteries wherever hegoes, no matter the occasion. And, and, and … he solves them all.

He’s got some help – during its run from 2002 to 2009,Adrian Monk had two assistants. The first, Sharona Fleming (Bitty Schram),started off as his nurse, helping him get through the violent death of hiswife, Trudy. The second, Natalie Teeger (Traylor Howard), entered the series inthe middle of season 3, when Bitty Schram was dropped because of a salaryconflict.

Monk works alongside his former partner, Capt. LelandStottlemeyer (Ted Levine) of the San Francisco Police Department, andStottlemeyer’s current partner, Lt. Randy Disher (Jaon Gray-Stanford).Stottlemeyer is down-to-earth and open to Monk’s revelations; Disher is out ofleft field much of the time.

As musician Randy Newman, who wrote and sang theEmmy-winning theme song, It’s a JungleOut There, sings during the opening credits: “It’s a jungle out there, Disorderand confusion everywhere!” And that describes Adrian Monk’s life to a T.

Now … if you don't mind, I have to get more of Lee Goldberg’s Mr. Monk books for my Kindle.

The Truth About Brain Freeze

2011-11-24T08:00:00.000-10:00

Eat ice cream too fast and you get it. Slurp an Icee slurpeetoo fast and you get it. Brain freeze, that is. Your sinuses pound, your eyeshurt, your brain goes into convulsions.

And then, when your brain returns to its normal function, youstart to worry. The obvious question to ask is, “What did that do to my brain?Is it permanently damaged?”

We may never find out for sure scientifically, as theNational Institutes of Health has not made any effort to fund research on thematter. But some neurosurgeons at Johns Hopkins Hospital did someexperimentation.

Although the brain’s temperature was dropped as low as 64°,they found no harm done once they returned the brain to normal temperature(around 98.6° as we all know).

So … bear with the pain. That tasty milk shake is worth it.Every brain-chilling drop of it.

The Perils of LOL-ing

2011-11-23T08:00:00.002-10:00

Hmmm, Mom is on Facebook now. Uh oh. Hope someone clued her in on what not to do!

Mid-Morning Seas

2011-11-22T08:00:00.000-10:00

Click on Picture for Panoramic View

Thank you for bearing with me these past couple of days as I cleaned out my Wandering file and "entertained" you with my comments about pee and poo.

As a reward for your kindness, here's a shot I took of the waters near Ala Moana Beach Park one morning as the wife and I walked along the sea wall at the ocean end of Magic Island.

The ominous nature of the clouds offered a certain majesty to the surf as it rumbled closer in the glare of the mid-morning sun.

Lucky I live Hawaii, eh? Enjoy!

Parky Pooper

2011-11-21T08:00:00.000-10:00

Since I wrote about asparagus pee smells yesterday, I thought I'd continue the "excretory" theme just one more day (y'know, get it all out at once?) and show you this picture.

I took the shot in the garage of Kuakini Medical Center recently. We couldn't help but see it, as it was right outside the garage walkover entrance to the Physician's Office Building.

Where did this person park anyway before coming to the hospital? It must have been under a tree or a telephone or electrical wire because the birds had a field day on the car.

Now, if it were me, I could never drive a car in that condition. I don't care how sick I was, if I came to the car and saw that, the first thing I'd do is drive to a car wash. No matter how sick I was, no matter how late it would make me for my doctor's appointment.

I mean ... really now.

Asparagus' Smelly Side Effect

2011-11-20T08:00:00.000-10:00

Do you like asparagus? I do. And if YOU do, you may be one of the 40 to 50% of the populace who noticea distinct odor when you go to the bathroom afterwards.

Did you see the 1978 movie, Rabbit Test, starring Billy Crystaland directed by Joan Rivers? In her cameo role as a doctor, she asks a patient,“You ate asparagus, didn’t you?” I don’t remember much from that lame-braincomedy where a guy gets pregnant, but I do remember that line.

Ever since people first noticed asparagus produced smellyurine scientists have been trying to figure out exactly why the body producesthat effect when the vegetable is digested. You know what? From what I’ve read,they still aren’t sure of what chemical compounds create the smell.

Despite that unpleasant side effect, I like asparagus.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Piece of Mind

2011-11-19T08:00:00.000-10:00

At last, you now have a chance to meet the late, great Albert Einstein andget a piece of his mind.

Well, not exactly, but pieces of his brain will be on publicdisplay at the Mutter Museum of the College of Physicians in Philadelphia, whereLucy Rorke-Adams has given some 46 slides of Einstein’s brain for the public toenjoy.

Ms. Rorke-Adams, 82, is a neuropathologist who for the past47 years has worked at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, attests thatEinstein’s brain looks pretty youthful for someone who died at 76 (1955, when Iwas 11 years old).

Most of his brain resides at the University Medical Centerin Princeton. That’s where the post-mortem autopsy of the man I regard as amember of Homo superius wasconducted.

One of these days, I’m going to have to read what he saidabout relativity. I’d like to know more about my relations.

Avian Sentinels

2011-11-18T08:00:00.000-10:00

(Left) Waterfront Park ... (Right) Almaden Park

Water seeks its lowest level. Birds, on the other hand, always seem to seek the highest level. It doesn't matter where they're from, they perch high up. At least these two birds did.

The bird on the right is a dove, photographed at Kakaako Waterfront Park in Honolulu. The bird on the left is a hummingbird, photographed at Almaden Winery Park in San Jose.

Because it was a gray and cloudy day in San Jose, the hummingbird looks ominous. Not so the dove. It was a beauiful day in Hawaii.

Guess where I'd rather be living.

Who da Guy?

2011-11-17T11:13:00.000-10:00

While having breakfast at Big City Diner on Waialae Avenuein Kaimuki one morning with the wife, I checked out the autographed pictures onthe wall behind her.

Interesting! There were a few Miss Hawaiis, somewell-known entertainers, and a few people that I recognized from local Hawaii televisioncommercials.

Right behind the wife, however, was a person I didn’t recognize.I could read part of his name – “Bobby” something – but that didn’t ring abell. Neither did he look familiar. The wife took a shot at it and gave up aswell.

So I did the most unmanly thing – I asked. Not fordirections, because that would be HORRIBLYunmanly, but for identification. You know what? The waitress had no idea andhad to ask her manager.

It turns out the mysterious guy is Bobby Curran, who’s been theradio voice of the University of Hawaii sports for 15 years.

Well that figures. No wonder I had no idea who he was. I don’tfollow University of Hawaii sports.

But at least now I know who he is.

Sharing ... Costco Style

2011-11-16T08:00:00.000-10:00

I can sympathize, having bought wagonloads of outsized boxes and packages of good stuff at Costco. Never saw a cashew jar that big, though. If I had, I'd probably have one like it at home right now.

And a month from now, I'd have to throw away at least half. Why do we torture ourselves thinking we'll eat all of what we buy at Costco?

Which reminds me, I'm running short of stuff. Damn, I might need to go to Costco this week.

In With the New

2011-11-15T08:00:00.000-10:00

Hiroshi Sakurada at Sakura-Ya Welcome Gathering

... and out with the old. George's Delicatessen, which had been in business for a half-century or so in Honolulu, closed its doors a few years ago, and the Ueda family recently ended a long search for a successor food establishment.

Sakura-Ya, which specializes in Japanese bento, okazu and creative sushi, opened its doors for business on Friday, Nov. 11 (11/11/11), fulfilling a dream of owners Hiroshi and Keiko Sakurada to move from the East Coast to Hawaii.

Keiko cooks the okazu, and Hiro creates the sushi. We were honored to receive an invitation to a welcome gathering Sunday evening at the old George's location - 1317 S. Beretania St. - and were treated to some of their creations.

What a wonderful little dinner we had. Keiko couldn't stop talking about Hiro's success in creative sushi, showing me a story in the New Jersey Record about his prowess. And, I learned, Hiro once won a sushi competition. Visit them, and I'm sure Keiko or Hiro will tell you all about it.

Let me tell you, the sushi he made for us that night was delicious, guaranteed to delight his customers with a mix of local flavors and sophisticated unusual sushi. My favorite was the mackeral sushi. Absolutely "holy"! I can, with great enthusiasm, recommend that you try them out.

Sakura-Ya Bento, Okazu, Sushi ... 1317 S. Beretanis St., just ewa of Keeaumoku. (808) 597-8069.

Ahh, To Be Young Again

2011-11-14T08:00:00.000-10:00

Being a young and foolish lad was a great period in my life, as I'm sure it was when you were a teenager.

Some of my fondest memories of junior high nights in my hometown of Hilo, on the Big Island of Hawaii, is when my friends and I jumped into the ice-cold India ink-night waters of Lanai Pond near the Canec Mill in our altogethers.

During a recent walk at Kakaako Waterfront Park, the wife and I saw some young people jumping into the canal between the park and some warehouses, just a-splashin' and having the time of their lives.

No matter that official government signs warned them of danger and implored them not to go beyond the wire fence, no matter that common sense dictated that they exercise some level-headedness, they were bound and determined to have fun.

You know what? I envied them. Youth ... it's blessed upon the young, and hidden in our memories.

Tale of a Tail

2011-11-13T08:00:00.000-10:00

Or rather, a lack of a tail.

The more barred doves (aka zebra doves) I see during my walks at the beach parks, the more varieties I come across.

Check out this tail-less variety. Zebradovus notailus. It's rare, it's the first of its kind I've seen.

All kidding aside, I wonder what happened to this poor thing. And so I speculate: Maybe it got into a fight with a bigger dove (I've seen spotted doves chase and peck at their smaller cousins until feathers fly). Maybe it has a genetic deficiency? I doubt that; a baby tail-less dove wouldn't survive to this size, I think.

Maybe some hipster dove talked him (or her) into getting his (or her) tail feathers plucked. Y'know, the way women have their eyebrows plucked. A dove cosmetician, perhaps?

Nah. That's too silly to even mention. So I won't.

Still ...

Night Beauty

2011-11-12T08:00:00.000-10:00

The last time I was in Las Vegas, I had dinner at Maggiano's in Fashion Show Mall, with a stunning view of the Las Vegas Strip. After dinner, I strolled along the second-floor outdoor walkway and shot a couple of pictures of neighboring resorts.

The boulevard is beautiful at night, especially when one concentrates on the lit buildings one at a time. Taken in total, looking down the Strip gives one an ambivalent feeling - there's just too much going on. However, check out the resorts one at a time and voila! Elegance.

The Wynn Resort

The Palazzo Resort

It sort of gives you the feeling that you need to go back to your room and put on a tuxedo.

"The name is Bond. James Bond."